Home for the Holidays
by srp2017
Summary: Hannah learns some difficult lessons when Mike comes home for Christmas. This is a revisit of my Home series and so reading them before starting this is a good idea so you're not lost. It does follow the theme of "A Christmas Carol."
1. Chapter 1

-This is a sequel or revisit to my "Home" series. I had told some people it would be a short, happy story but I started it off on a negative note! It will only be four or five chapters long. It is in the theme of "A Christmas Carol." Hope you all enjoy! Please review!

 **Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 1

It had been almost a year since Emma's abduction and Mike had spent the last eight weeks away from his family. It was not something he liked. He hated being away from his family. The entire time, he had been plagued with nightmares of horrible scenarios. He had been touring the Pacific Fleet. It was necessary and he knew Tom and Danny were close and Mallory and the kids were safe but he still hated it. He gave his report to President Oliver and headed for his truck. Mallory and the kids didn't know he was coming home that particular day and he was thrilled to surprise them. He'd missed Hannah's sixteenth birthday, Thanksgiving and was barely making it home for Christmas. He was tired of being away. Thanksgiving didn't bother him as much but Hannah's birthday had hurt. He hadn't been able to get a call out and she had been upset with him when he did finally get through. Mallory had told him her thyroid levels were messed up and she was moody. He felt even worse then.

The drive home took longer than he wanted. He stopped by a florist and got a bouquet of flowers for Mallory and another one for Hannah. He wanted to smooth things over with her. He had a stuffed animal for Tommy and gifts for Emma and Anna or Sailor, as she was better known. It was almost seven and he knew Mallory would have already started getting the kids settled down. When he pulled up all the windows were lit up on the second story of the house. He could see the lights from the Christmas tree in the front window. He unlocked the door and made his way up the stairs. Mallory was in the bathroom with Emma and their six month old son, and Tommy was splashing in the bathtub. He cleared his throat and Emma practically threw herself at him. He laid the flowers down on the sink and held her close.

"I missed you, Daddy!"

"I missed you too, Emma. So, so much. I'm gonna put you down but we'll cuddle in a minute, okay?"

She nodded at him and he sit her down. Mallory had taken the baby out of the bathtub, dried him off and diapered him. Emma took Tommy from Mallory so Mike and she could hug. He dropped a kiss on the top of the baby's head and Emma carried the baby back to his room and Mike clung to Mallory.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, was just beyond ready to be home. I hate being away. Where's Hannah and Sailor?"

"Sailor is in her room. Hannah is at a movie with a friend."

"I wanted to talk to her. Try and make up for missing her birthday. The levels lining out?"

"No. They're high. Means she flies off the handle pretty easily. I'll text her and tell her I need her at home so she doesn't go out afterwards. What are the flowers for?"

"Those roses are for you. I got her the daisies. Do I need to pick her up?"

"Maybe. Go check on Emma and Tommy and I'll find out." Mike kissed her again and headed into Tommy's room. Emma was trying to put his sleeper on him but Tommy had other ideas. Mike sit down on the floor to help her and Sailor came in and gave him a big hug. He was thrilled that his younger daughters were so happy to see him and Tommy was getting way too hyper for this time of night. He'd grown and changed a lot since Mike had seen him last and it made Mike sad. He had missed out on so much with his older kids; he didn't want to miss out on any of Tommy's milestones. Emma and Sailor went back to their room with the promise from Mike that he would tuck them both in. He sit in the rocker with Tommy and tried to get him settled down. The baby wanted to be fed, which was not something Mike could do for him. Fortunately Mallory came in with a bottle, and Mike looked at her suspiciously. She had wanted to breastfeed him as long as possible. He happily took the bottle so he could feed him but it made him wonder.

"Are you not nursing him?"

"I am still. But that's pumped. I figured you would want to feed him tonight so I fixed it so you could. I know you've missed him."

"I've missed all of you guys. I don't like being away. Does he remember me?"

"Probably. He keeps smiling at you. Hannah will be home soon. I put those flowers in a vase on her dresser."

"Thanks. So we usually deal with her levels being low, what are the symptoms of them being high? Any dangers?"

"The doctor is driving them down. When they bottom out, she'll be hurting. Insomnia, difficulty concentrating, weight loss and the temper flaring is the name of the game right now."

"Sorry you've had to deal with all that. Has she helped you at all? I told her to."

"Emma and Sailor have helped. And don't be mad at her. She can't help the disease."

"But her reaction is not good."

"No, it isn't. And she is pretty upset with you."

"For missing her birthday?"

"Yeah. Emma has reminded her that you've missed several of hers but Hannah won't hear it."

"I've hated missing Emma's too. He's done and he's burped. I'll lay him in the crib."

"Mike, you're a great dad. If you weren't you wouldn't be so upset by her being upset with you and you wouldn't have so many regrets. These kids are lucky to have you. And despite Hannah being angry with you, she adores you. If she didn't, she wouldn't have missed having you here for her birthday so much."

"I am not a great dad. I just love my kids. And when they hurt, I hurt. Hannah is hurting and so I'm hurting. I've caused that hurt. Now I have to figure out how to fix it. I do have a great wife though."

"Don't sell yourself short. Now go kiss Emma and Sailor good night. Movie lets out at eight so Hannah will be here soon." Mike kissed her again and headed into Emma and Sailor's room. Both girls were in their beds and ready to go to sleep. They settled easy and all Mike really had to do was tuck them in and kiss them good night. They were both getting too old for it but he would never refuse them. He needed it as badly as they did, probably more so. He stayed in the room and waited until they fell asleep, lightly massaging Emma's arm that had been hurt the year before. He heard a car pull up, loud music and his daughter's voice, he went to the window to look out and saw a teenage boy talking to her outside the car.

"That's my dad's truck."

"You seem excited that he's here. Thought you hate him."

"I do hate him. He keeps missing stuff. It would be easier if he just died. Emma and Sailor both think he's so perfect and I definitely used to too but not anymore. I'd better go inside before he comes out here. You don't want to have to deal with him. He's so overprotective."

Mike felt like his heart was breaking. It hurt, physically to hear her say she hated him. Mike's arm started tingling and his jaw was hurting. His chest hurt so bad he couldn't hardly see straight. He made his way into the hallway and barely made it into their bedroom before he collapsed. He heard Mallory talking into the phone and taking his pulse. He also heard Hannah's voice and Mallory instructing her to stay with the kids until Tom got there. Everything felt so fuzzy and then black.

The ambulance hadn't gotten there yet and Mallory yelled at Hannah to come help her. Mike was coding and Hannah seemed to be in a trance. The ambulance service had only recently opened back up service and they had slow response times. If Mike had any hope of surviving, Mallory needed to start CPR and Hannah had to help.

"Look, Hannah, I get that you're mad at him and you think you hate him. But I need him and Emma, Sailor and Tommy need him and he needs you right now. If you choose not to need him that's fine. He will die if you don't get over here and help me. I need you to help me roll him over and I will start beginning compressions and break his sternum but you have to help from there. I know you took a CPR class in school and now you need to put it in practice. Get over here."

Hannah felt horribly. She had looked and seen her dad in Emma's window. It wasn't too big of a leap to realize he had heard her. She helped Mallory roll her dad's large frame over. Mallory made a thudding noise on her dad's chest and then nodded at her. Hannah started chest compressions and Mallory opened his airway. Hannah didn't know how long they worked on him before the ambulance came in but it seemed like an eternity. The paramedic had shoved her back into the bed and they hooked a monitor up to her dad. She heard them talking about shocking him into a normal rhythm. It was the worst sound Hannah had ever heard, his body thudding back into the floor after receiving the shock. They finally got a rhythm back and the paramedics quickly got him packaged up for the trip. Somehow the kids had slept through all of it and Mallory was throwing clothes on to follow them.

"I want to go with you."

"I need you to stay with the kids. Tom is taking me. You don't need to be there."

"But he's my dad…"

"He is. And he loves you. You caused this, Hannah. I heard what you told your boyfriend and so did your dad. If he dies, you will have to live with this. And if that happens, I'm not sure how I feel about you being here. If he makes it through this, he gets to decide but until then, I don't want you anywhere near him. Now, I do love you but your place is here with the kids. Not at your dad's bedside."

Hannah had never seen Mallory so mad. She had dodged into the bathroom to change clothes and Hannah looked over at Tom. He shook his head at her like he didn't want in the middle of it.

"Hannah, I heard it too. You can't unsay it. And I agree with Mallory. You need to stay with the kids. Sasha will come over in the morning before they get up and help you explain it to them. I hope she won't be telling them that he's died."

Tom and Mallory left and Hannah cleaned the bedroom up as much as she could. Mallory had promised her that she would text her with an update and Hannah knew she wouldn't be sleeping that night. She checked on the baby who was blissfully asleep and sit down in her own bedroom. She picked up her baby book and the first picture she came to was one of her dad holding her. He looked so thrilled and proud of her. Her mom was looking at both of them and looked so happy.

Hannah sit on the floor at the end of her bed and started crying. She felt someone sit down next to her and thought it was either one of the girls, Sasha or Kara. But what she couldn't understand was the smell of roses. Her mom had always smelled like roses and she could hear her humming like she had when Hannah was small. She opened her eyes and saw her mom sitting next to her looking at the baby book and smiling.

"Mom?"

"Hey, Hannah."

"How are you here?"

"I have been assigned to remind you of somethings. I'm just a little disappointed in you right now, young lady."

"Because of what I said?"

"Yes. And how you've acted. You've given Mallory a rough time the last eight weeks. It's not her fault that your dad had to be away. And it's not his fault. He didn't want to be away for your birthday. And you broke his heart tonight."

"Is he going to die?"

"I don't know. It's between him and God. It's up to me to remind you of a Christmas past, show you the present and warn you of what could happen if he doesn't make it."

"I love him. I don't know why I said that."

"I'm sure you do, but it may not matter."

"So what's going to happen? I can't leave the kids? The baby?"

"They'll be fine. You'll be here physically. I'm taking your spirit with me. Let's get up."

Christine practically lifted Hannah up and suddenly she felt like she was floating away. She had wanted to check on the kids first but her mom was completely resistant to it. She wasn't even sure where she was going or what exactly they were doing. She did notice the flowers sitting on her dresser and knew they must have been from her dad. It was the only explanation.


	2. Chapter 2

I tried to make this a little more reader friendly by making the conversations between Hannah and Christine bold and italicized. Hope it helps. I did do some research into "Broken Heart Syndrome" so I hope that I got that right. Please enjoy and review.

 **Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 2-Christmas Past

Hannah and Christine walked through the snow on a busy city street. It was dirty and nasty. Hannah could hear the El and knew she was in inner city Chicago, where she was born. They were following a tall man who was a younger version of her dad. He walked into an apartment building and up a crowded stairway. They passed a woman with a young boy, a drunk man and an elderly woman that her dad helped up the steps.

 _ **"What is this place, Mom? Can they hear us?"**_

 _ **"No. This is the apartment we lived in when you were born. It was not a nice place but it was all your dad and I could afford."**_

 _ **"That was a roach I just saw."**_

 _ **"Yeah. It was a constant fight that they didn't end up in your crib."**_

 _ **"You brought a baby home to this place?"**_

 _ **"Yeah. Your Nana and Papa Slattery lived in Virginia and we couldn't afford to live in a different apartment. We were happy though. Watch this."**_

Hannah stood back and watched her dad unlock the door and then knock on it. He had a grocery bag in his hand. He was wearing a suit and had a gun on his right hip. He had been a cop back then.

"Hey, Christine, undo the chain. It's me."

Hannah and Christine followed her dad through the door and Hannah was shocked how homey the little studio apartment was. It smelled like lemon cleaner and there was baby paraphernalia everywhere. Hannah looked at her younger self in the swing. It seemed surreal.

"I got the milk and diapers you asked for. We have to make it last until Monday though, babe. We have three dollars in the checking account. Rent is due Monday too but I talked to the landlord. He'll hold the check til Tuesday. How'd Hannah's doctor appointment go?"

Hannah watched her parents kiss and her dad pick her baby self out of the swing. Her mom also looked younger and her dad was making funny faces at the baby. She watched him kiss her and cradle her close. She was only about six weeks old at that point.

"It went okay. She's developing well. He gave me a prescription for her but I held off on getting it because I knew we were low on money. It's for her ears."

"I'll call McGowan; see if he needs a bartender or bouncer. She needs the medicine. If I bartend, I'll have tips and you can get the medicine. I'd rather do that then ask your mom or dad or mine for money."

"You're already pulling overtime; you'll be exhausted and not effective out there. You could get hurt."

"I'll be fine. I talked to that recruiter for the Navy again. It's enticing. They think with my experience as a police officer, I might be able to get into the Academy. Become an officer. Would take care of a lot of bills."

"You could be gone for months at a time. You'd miss a lot with Hannah."

"Yes, but paying for things like diapers and ear medicine wouldn't be so rough."

The sixteen year old Hannah was crying watching them. Her mom's sweater was threadbare and her dad's suit was pretty rough looking too. They had sit down on the couch and were cuddling with each other and the baby. Hannah stood back and watched them with her angel mom.

 _ **"He joined the Navy to provide for us?"**_

 _ **"Yeah. He loved being a cop. But money was really tight and they were offering a signing bonus. There were also a housing allowances and medical benefits that helped. It was not an easy decision. Your dad obviously loves you and he hated the idea of being gone for long periods of time. We're done here."**_

Hannah felt like she was floating again and they were walking up to a small cottage style house on a street with about fifteen other houses just like it. She remembered the house and neighborhood. It was the house they lived in when her dad was based in Florida. She had been about eight when they moved.

 _ **"I remember this house."**_

 _ **"Yeah, it was great here. I loved being able to take you kids to the beach so much. It's the house I brought Emma home to. Now watch."**_ They followed her dad into the house. There were Christmas decorations everywhere and dollies on the floor. They watched as he took his combat boots off and walked into the kitchen. He snuck up behind her mom and grabbed her. She could hear them laughing and they were kissing. Eight year old Hannah and three year old Emma were jumping around happily while their parents kissed. Lucas was in his high chair getting strained peaches everywhere.

"Mike, why didn't you call? I would have picked you up at the dock."

"Didn't want you to have to get the kids out. You said it's a hassle with three kids." Sixteen year old Hannah watched as her dad picked Emma up and kissed both Lucas and her eight year old self.

"I see. Well Christmas cookies are almost done. You made it home for Christmas!"

"Yeah, I didn't want to miss it. Hannah, I am sorry I missed your birthday, come here and give me a kiss." Sixteen year old Hannah watched as her eight year old self jumped into Mike's arms.

"I missed you, Daddy!"

"I missed you too, Hannah. So much! Sorry I missed your big day."

"It's okay, Daddy! You were out there making the bad guys go away."

Sixteen year old Hannah looked at her angel mom and just shook her head. She had remembered the birthday and remembered crying because her dad wasn't there. But she also remembered that Christmas and how happy they all were.

 _ **"It was a great Christmas that year. We need to go to another Christmas but it's not one of your memories. One of your dad's and it isn't nearly so happy."**_

 _ **"Can you tell me how he's doing?"**_

 _ **"He's dying from a broken heart. But enough about that."**_

 _ **"Can't you take me to him? I will fix it; tell him how much I love him."**_

 _ **"You're not ready for that and besides when we do go; he won't be able to hear it."**_

 _ **"He must know."**_

 _ **"No, he thinks you hate him and want him to die."**_

 _ **"I don't."**_

 _ **"Hannah, from day one, your dad has sacrificed so much to better care for you. He adores you. If he does survive, he will still love you because that is how he operates. But the hurt will never go away."**_

 _ **"It will destroy our relationship?"**_

 _ **"It could if you let it. We need to go."**_

Again, it felt like they were floating and the next thing, Hannah knew she was sitting in an office area. It appeared that they were on the Nathan James and she saw her dad sitting on a couch with his head in his hands and he was sobbing loudly.

 _ **"What's wrong with him?"**_

 _ **"He's on the Nathan James. It's Christmas and the private investigator just told him to give up trying to find us. He's having a rough time."**_

Hannah heard a knock on the door and saw her dad drying his tears and telling the person to enter. Andrea Garnett walked in and sit down beside her dad and rubbed his shoulder.

"Alicia told me what the investigator said. Is there anything I can do? I can't imagine getting news like that on Christmas Eve."

"I know it's stupid but I keep hanging on to hope that they might be alive. What kind of God would take my family like that? Christine, Hannah, and Emma? As bad as it hurts with Lucas, I know he's at peace but with my wife and girls? I don't know."

"Losing Lily and Bill was hard but I know they're okay now. You have the same peace where Lucas is concerned. Christine and the girls, not so much. It's a hell I don't want to imagine."

"I know the crew is gathering for dinner and I am supposed to be there but I just can't."

"They understand. You'll be okay?"

"I'll try."

Sixteen year old Hannah watched Andrea get up and leave and her dad stand up and walk to his desk. He'd picked up a picture of their family and collapsed onto his desk, crying again. It made her want to go to him and pull him into a hug. It was heartbreaking watching it.

 _ **"He was hurting so bad. He missed you kids especially."**_

 _ **"He had his crew."**_

 _ **"Yeah, but it's not the same. We need to go now. Happier memory this time."**_

 _ **"Can I give him a hug?"**_

 _ **"No, remember you hate him."**_

 _ **"I don't."**_

 _ **"That's what he thinks."**_

 _ **"Can I go to the hospital? I'll tell him."**_

 _ **"No, you aren't ready. He isn't either."**_

They began floating away and Hannah realized that they were at the house in St. Louis. There were Christmas decorations everywhere and she saw Mallory in the kitchen fixing lunch.

"Mike, girls? Lunch is ready.

Hannah watched as her fourteen year old self and Emma ran down the stairs. Her dad followed more slowly. He had only had surgery a couple weeks prior to that. He had donated skin off his back to be put on her back to cover up a scar. He had a lot of problems recovering from it.

"Mike, how's the back?"

"Sore but okay."

"Daddy, I am really sorry it's hurting you so bad. I hate that you're going through that for me."

"You're worth it. Every day and anytime."

Hannah watched as her dad gave her fourteen year old self a kiss on the forehead. She loved it when he did that and wondered if it would ever happen again. She hoped so. '

 _ **"You ready to go to the hospital?"**_

 _ **"Yes!"**_

 _ **"Don't be so excited. You won't like it."**_

 _ **"Why?"**_

 _ **"You'll see, but you need to hang onto this memory."**_

 _ **"Why?"**_

 _ **"Because things at the hospital are not going well. Your dad has something called**_ _ **Takotsubo cardiomyopathy."**_

 _ **"Mallory is the doctor, not me."**_

 _ **"Check the attitude, young lady. Your dad has Broken Heart Syndrome. You created such a stressor that there is significant damage to his left ventricle. Before tonight, your dad was perfectly healthy. Now, his heart may fail, and if he does survive, he may have trouble with low blood pressure. Do you know when you were diagnosed with your heart problems and then again, when you developed the thyroid disorder, he beat himself up because he was perfectly healthy, while the daughter that he loved so much was not? He hated the fact that he was so healthy. Now, he's not. He may have to retire, and for what? A daughter that hates him?"**_

 _ **"I don't hate him. Isn't there some sort of surgery that can fix it?"**_

 _ **"No. It might repair itself, or it might not. If he has lost his will to live then all bets are off."**_

 _ **"Okay, aside from me, he has a lot of people that love him a lot. Mallory, Emma, Sailor, Tommy? Uncle Tom?"**_

 _ **"Yep. And all that love will be outweighed by him thinking that his daughter hates him."**_

 _ **"Emma told him once that she hated him."**_

 _ **"She did. And it hurt him but there were mitigating circumstances. She was just a traumatized little girl who lashed out. And you see how they've repaired their relationship? But you? No trauma and you are old enough to understand the ramifications of what you said. You're getting a healthy dose of reality."**_

 _ **"So, if he does survive, what happens?"**_

 _ **"You decide. Not your dad or Mallory. He loves you. And he will continue to love you despite the fact that you have broken his heart literally and crushed his spirit."**_

 _ **"I've never seen Mallory so mad. She may not let me anywhere near him."**_

 _ **"She's a good wife. A lot better than I ever was to him. You have to understand with Mallory, until your dad came along, every one hurt her. Her mother, her father, her first husband. She's terrified that she is going to lose the one person who will never hurt her and will always believe in her. So, yeah, she's defensive. She loves you exactly the same way I do but you hurt her soulmate, her best friend, the father of her children, her lover, her advocate and her biggest cheerleader. She will forsake you and the love she has for you to protect her person."**_

 _ **"I really don't want to hear about the lover thing…gross, Mom."**_

 _ **"Doesn't make it any less true. As much as Mallory loves you…"**_

 _ **"She loves Dad more."**_

 _ **"Not more, differently."**_

 _ **"Dad won't let her throw me out."**_

 _ **"He may not have the energy to fight it. He knows Mallory will only do what's best for the family. He'll go along with it. He'll make sure you're provided for, for his own peace of mind and he will never stop loving you. But he has to survive first. We need to stop talking and go to the hospital."**_

 _ **"Okay, but Mom? Dad still loves you and misses you. He would tell you, you were an amazing wife to him."**_

 _ **"I appreciate that but the love he has for Mallory is different and more mature. Had I lived, we would have ended up divorced and hating one another. It's best that I died."**_

 _ **"I don't think so."**_

 _ **"I know so. Our marriage would not have survived losing Lucas. I've accepted it. I prefer the fact that I died still loving your dad and that he still loved me. You want a fairy tale romance; look at your dad and Mallory's. Your dad and I were not compatible and the honest to goodness truth is, we would not have gotten married if I hadn't gotten pregnant with you. Now, yes, we did love each other and yes, we had Emma and Lucas. Your dad wanted to do the right thing by me and you. To him, that was marrying me."**_

 _ **"But you seemed so happy."**_

 _ **"It was a façade and the façade was cracking before he went to the Arctic. We had stayed in the marriage because of you kids."**_

 _ **"But at the apartment and the house in Florida?"**_

 _ **"There were moments of happiness. But they weren't enough to smooth over the long deployments, missed holidays and birthdays, and the constant fear of losing the father of my children."**_

 _ **"I didn't realize…"**_

 _ **"Nope and we didn't want you to. Now it's time to go. No more talking right now."**_

 __Hannah looked back at the happy family scene before her angel mom pulled her away. She wanted to memorize it. She again felt like she was floating away. She was ready for this nightmare to end.


	3. Chapter 3

**Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 3-Christmas Present

Hannah and Christine were standing in a hospital exam room. There were doctors and nurses everywhere. Hannah got closer to the hospital bed and realized they were doing some sort of test on her dad's heart. They had a scope running through a vein or artery in his leg up into his heart. Hannah had had a similar procedure done before. He had an oxygen mask on but looked so pale. His skin had a grayish tint to it. Hannah looked at Christine with a pained look.

 _ **"I know what this test is."**_

 _ **"They're checking the damage to his heart. The bright side is he is breathing on his own. Let's listen to the doctors and nurses."**_

 __"Definitely Broken Heart Syndrome. Anyone know what the stressor was?"

"He heard his sixteen year old daughter say that she hated him and that it would be easier if he just died. He's the Secretary of the Navy and he missed her birthday because he was touring a fleet. He's Mallory Slattery's husband."

"Oh, I know him now. I treated his daughter. Ungrateful girl. He has sit next to her hospital bed many times. He loves her a lot."

"He's so physically fit. It's odd that he would be having heart problems."

"His heart was completely healthy."

"Any chance he'll recover?"

"Keep that ungrateful daughter away from him and maybe. I am going to order that she not visit him. I can't say what will happen if he goes home, but I can while he's in the hospital."

"Mallory won't let her near him."

"Good. I'm still putting it in his chart though."

Hannah listened to the doctor and nurse talking. It was heartbreaking knowing she wouldn't even be allowed to visit her dad. She remembered all the times that her dad had taken off work, had spent nights in uncomfortable chairs and held her hand when she was sick. He wouldn't leave her side.

 _ **"We need to leave."**_

 _ **"I want to stay. I'm not going to be able to visit physically. I want to at least be here in spirit. Can I go to him?"**_

 _ **"Yes, but only for a minute. And you can speak to him. No one will see you or hear you."**_

 _ **"Will he?"**_

 _ **"Maybe."**_

Hannah leaned down over her dad's very still form. She touched his hand and kissed his forehead. The oxygen mask was on and his eyes popped open and he looked around. She could see the sadness in his eyes. It was almost palpable.

"Daddy, I don't know if you can see me or hear me but please don't die. I don't know why I said that I hated you. I don't. I love you, so, so, so much. I don't know how to fix this but please don't die. Please?"

 _ **"Hannah, it's time to go."**_

 _ **"I don't want to. Can't I stay here? He needs me here."**_

 _ **"No. He has all that he needs."**_

 _ **"Where are we going?"**_

 _ **"We need to check in on those kids."**_

They were back at the house in Tommy's nursery. He was crying uncontrollably. Hannah could see herself trying to console him but he was crying so hard that his little face was red. She had never seen him like that.

 _ **"What's wrong with him?"**_

 _ **"He's missing his mommy. Wants to nurse."**_

 _ **"Mallory pumps extra milk."**_

 _ **"It's not the same. Your dad gave him a bottle before he went to sleep but he wants his mommy now. But she is at the hospital with your dad."**_

 _ **"He can't keep crying like that. Can he hurt himself?"**_

 _ **"Nah."**_

 _ **"Can I do something to help him?"**_

 _ **"Nope. But let me try. Mother's touch."**_

Hannah watched Christine lean down over Tommy and kiss his forehead. The baby instantly calmed and started looking around in wonder. Christine tickled his cheek which brought a smile. She wiped the tears off his face and let him wrap his little hand around her index finger. Hannah watched her mom with him but then realized Christine was standing next to her. She was confused.

 _ **"A version of me is staying with you and him until Mallory gets back. I'll still be with you too."**_

 _ **"Does he see you?"**_

 _ **"Yes, actually he does. But not you. I have visited Tommy many times. Everyone has a guardian angel and I'm his."**_

 _ **"Will he always see you?"**_

 _ **"No, as he gets older, he'll stop seeing me but I will still be there with him. We need to check on Emma and Sailor."**_

 __They walked into the younger girl's bedroom. They were fortunately both still sound asleep. Christine kissed Emma's forehead and tucked the blanket around Sailor, running her hand through her hair. Hannah wasn't sure what the point was in visiting their room since they were both obviously okay.

 _ **"Why are we here?"**_

 _ **"I wanted to visit them. And you needed to be reminded of them. If your dad dies, it's not just you that will be affected. Tommy will never have a chance to really know his daddy and Emma and Sailor will be so, so sad. Yet another person in Sailor's life will leave her."**_

 _ **"Okay, Okay. I get it. I screwed up royally. So what now?"**_

 _ **"We go back to the hospital. You need to see how Mallory and your Uncle Tom are faring."**_

 _ **"They'll be okay here?"**_

 _ **"Yeah. For now."**_

Hannah found herself back at the hospital. Mallory was sitting in the waiting room with her head in her hands. Tom was rubbing her shoulder and looked equally as distressed.

"I have no idea what I'll do if I lose him, Tom."

"You'll get through it. That's what he would want."

"I don't want to imagine this world without him in it. And the kids? What do I do about them?"

"You will just have to do your best. And I don't want to imagine this world without him either. He's closer than my own brother."

"I know. What should be done about Hannah?"

"We let Mike decide. She's his daughter. He'll love her no matter what. She is really beating herself up."

"She should be. My question is what if he dies? What then?"

"Emma, Sailor and Tommy will need their sister. I would say that living with the fact that she killed her own father will be a huge punishment. I don't think taking her own family away from her is a good idea. More for the younger kids then her. If it was only her, I would agree. I do agree she doesn't need to be around him right now."

"Unless he asks for her. He may."

"He probably will. It's that unconditional love thing. One of us will just monitor it."

Hannah looked at Christine and instantly started crying. Christine drew her close and just hugged her. The idea that she had possibly killed her father was too much. It did feel good to have her mom hug her.

 _ **"Can I go back to Daddy?"**_

 _ **"For just a minute. Then we have to go to his funeral."**_

 _ **"He died?"**_

 _ **"Maybe. You need to see what will happen if he does."**_

 __They were back in the hospital and Hannah was sitting next to her dad's bedside. His skin had a gray tone to it. The nurse was monitoring him closely and there were all kinds of monitors hooked up to him. Hannah was beginning to understand what he had felt like all the times she had been in the hospital. Hannah touched his hand and kissed him again. His skin had a clammy feeling to it. He know just had a nasal cannula on and had woke up slightly.

"Water?"

Hannah wanted to give him the drink he needed but the nurse did it before she could. He made a coughing sound and the nurse patted his shoulder.

"Where's my wife? I want my daughter here."

"Which daughter, sir?"

"Hannah. I want Hannah. Can you tell my wife to go get her? I want Hannah."

"Sir, your doctor has put an order that she is not to visit you. She was the stressor that caused this."

"I want my daughter here. I don't care about the doctor's order. I just want Hannah."

Hannah looked over at Christine. She knew it was almost time to go but she wanted to stay. Her dad was very agitated and the nurse called for Mallory to come in. Hannah watched Mallory and Tom walk in and Mallory tried comforting him.

"Mal, can you go get Hannah? I want her here. I want Hannah."

"Mike, settle down, brother. I'll go get her. But she caused all this. You still want her here?"

"I need to fix it. She can hate me but she needs to know how much I love her. I need her."

"Tom, I'll go. I'll need to borrow your truck though. Tommy hates the bottle and he's probably causing a stink wanting me. I'll go get her, take Emma and Sailor to Sasha and I'll bring Hannah and Tommy with me. It's not ideal but Mike is getting too agitated. It may be better to chance her visiting to decrease his agitation. It isn't good for his heart. Just hope she keeps her mouth shut. Can you stay with him and call Sasha and make sure it's okay?"

"You bet."

"Mike, I'll go get her but you have to stick around. It'll take me a bit because I need to nurse Tommy and get the girls woke up and settled back over at Tom's. Just settle down. Hannah will be here when you wake up, I promise. I love you."

"What if she doesn't want to? I just want to see my baby girl. I need to tell her I love her. I love you too."

"She'll want to. Nurse, can you give him something for the agitation? Help him relax a bit?"

"He's at the maximum. Doctor Elliott has put in an order that his daughter is not to visit but given his agitation, it may be best if she does. If she starts causing any problems though, I will have her escorted out."

"Don't worry; I'll throw her out myself if she does."

Hannah watched Mallory lean over and kiss her dad. There were tears running down his cheeks and he was breathing pretty heavily. Hannah was worried sick about him and Christine was pulling on her hand.

 _ **"I know it's time to go. Just let me give him another kiss."**_

 _ **"Okay, but we need to hurry."**_

 __Mallory was leaving and Hannah took her spot, leaning over to give Mike a kiss on the cheek. She wiped the tears off his face and touched his hand. Christine pulled her away and then she was in a church. There were hundreds of people there. Some of them wearing suits and some in dress whites. At the front there was a flag covered coffin. The lid was open and Hannah could see her dad laying in it. Tom was behind the pulpit, trying to hold it together to give a eulogy and Mallory, Emma, and Sailor were in the front pew. Mallory was holding Tommy. Everyone looked so sad.

 _ **"Mom, where am I? I should be here sitting with my family."**_

 _ **"Mallory was serious. You killed her husband, just as surely as if you had shot or stabbed him. She wouldn't let you come to his funeral."**_

 _ **"But he's my dad."**_

 _ **"Yes, he was. And you should have thought of that before you said you hated him. Now let's listen to what Tom has to say."**_

"The last couple years, everyone says that it was Dr. Scott and I that saved the world. The reality is, it was Mike Slattery. His drive to simply get home and to find his daughters and wife kept us going. Once we got here and he couldn't find them, it was his drive that helped build this country back stronger. He is survived by his second wife, Mallory, daughters Emma and Anna and son, Tommy. Mike was the best husband and father I ever met. He loved unconditionally. His loss will be felt for years to come."

 _ **"What about me? Uncle Tom didn't mention me."**_

 _ **"No, Mallory asked him not to. She wants you erased from their lives."**_

 _ **"But what about Emma and Sailor, Tommy?"**_

 _ **"Tommy won't remember you and Emma and Sailor will only know you as the sister that killed their father. They won't want you in their lives."**_

 _ **"So what happens to me?"**_

 _ **"That will be shown in your future Christmas's."**_

 _ **"No hint then?"**_

 _ **"Nope."**_

 _ **"Can I walk up to the casket?"**_

 _ **"Yes. I'll go with you."**_

 __They walked up to the casket. Inside the casket lid, there were pictures of her dad with Emma, Sailor, Tommy and Lucas. But not of her. She put her hand on his chest over his heart, wishing she could feel it beat. Hannah leaned down and kissed him on the cheek and looked over at Mallory and the kids. Mallory looked completely heartbroken, Emma's eyes were red rimmed and Sailor looked miserable. The only one that seemed remotely happy was Tommy. He was smiling at her mom.

 _ **"They don't know we're here?"**_

 _ **"Except Tommy. He sees me."**_

 _ **"He's smiling at you."**_

 _ **"He doesn't understand what is going on."**_

 _ **"Can I touch them?"**_

 _ **"I suppose."**_

 __Hannah knelt in front of them. She patted Sailor's shoulder; wiped Emma's tear stained face and kissed Mallory's cheek. She let Tommy grab her finger and she kissed the top of his head. She looked out at the crowd in the church. Sasha, Master Chief, Danny, Kara, Wolf and his wife, Becky, Captain Meylan, Andrea Garnett. President Oliver and his wife, Maggie. Literally hundreds of people who all loved her dad. There were no dry eyes. Even the most seasoned operators like her dad had been, were crying.

 _ **"Okay, it's time to go again."**_

 _ **"Where to now?"**_

 _ **"Back to the hospital. We need to be there when you and Mallory get there."**_

 __Hannah saw herself back in the hospital room. Tom was sitting next to her dad's bed holding his hand. Her dad was blissfully asleep. Hannah sat down on the edge of the bed and waited. Christine stayed in the corner and Hannah could hear Tommy crying in the hallway. It was enough to wake her dad up and he looked around disorientated. Mallory was outside the door with the baby and she could hear her talking.

"Hannah, I can't bring Tommy in there. But I swear to God, if you do anything at all to upset your father, I will personally throw you out. Clear?"

"Yes."

"I'm serious."

Hannah watched as she walked in. Her dad reached a hand out but the real life Hannah crossed her arms over her chest and stayed at the end of the bed. Tom was still in the room and had put a hand on her dad's shoulder. Real life Hannah was chewing on her bottom lip and looking at her feet.

 _ **"Why aren't I talking? Telling him that I love him, that I need him. That I don't want him to die?"**_

 _ **"You aren't ready yet and your dad needs to be heard. He does have an opinion in the matter. It's not only about you. You've broken his heart, crushed his spirit, and shattered his soul…"**_

 _ **"Okay, I get it."**_

 _ **"No, you don't. You have taken him for granted. He has stayed with you for days in the hospital. He missed Emma's tenth birthday so he could stay with you. You didn't hear her throwing a fit. She accepted it."**_

 _ **"And I will make up for all that. But I need to tell him how much I love him. And why is Tom still here?"**_

 _ **"They don't trust you. Mallory can't be in here because of the baby so Tom is."**_

 _ **"I won't hurt him."**_

 _ **"Don't be so sure of that. Let's watch."**_

 __"Hannah, I have no idea what brought on what you said. It seems to go further than simply missing your birthday. And I am sorry for that. You have a choice to make. If you choose not to stay, you need to know, I will still love you. I will make sure you have a place to stay so you aren't homeless again and you'll have your medicine. But you will not be welcome in my home ever again. Mallory will not allow for it, no matter how badly I want you there. I love you, but I also love Mallory, Emma, Sailor and Tommy. You will make things miserable for them and I cannot allow that. I will pay for your living expenses, your medicine and if you choose to go to college, I will pay your tuition. You will have to work. If you choose to stay, things will go on and we will try and forget all this. Heal from it. You seem to like your freedom and I don't know who that guy is, but he doesn't have a good influence on you. You quit the basketball team and you haven't been to a violin practice in two months. So, what choice are you going to make? I'm not giving you time to think about it. I need the answer now. I will love you either way but I am making you make a choice between that guy and your family."

 _ **"He's making me choose?"**_

 _ **"The fact that you're even considering that punk is terrible. You have a loving family, beautiful home and a bright future. You want to trade that in for a pothead?"**_

 _ **"Charlie doesn't…"**_

 _ **"Remember I see everything. Maybe not around you, he hasn't yet. But it'll happen. And the thing is, with your health issues, you will not survive an addiction. Your dad will lose you anyway. And it will destroy him, even more so then he already is."**_

 _ **"Why am I not talking?"**_

 _ **"Because you are still considering, Charlie? Is that his name?"**_

 __"Hannah, seriously? Your dad wants the answer now. It seems like an easy choice to me. Ashley has told me about Charlie. He's not worth it. Your family? Your dad? They're worth it."

Hannah watched the real life version of herself shrug her shoulders, turn around and walk out the door. Mallory walked in with the baby. Mike was just staring up at the ceiling, not really reacting until he saw Tommy. He reached for the baby and Mallory carefully put Tommy in his arms. Mike cuddled the baby close to him and kissed him on top of the head. There were tears in his eyes but he seemed to be concentrating on the baby.

 _ **"This can't be right."**_

 _ **"You made your choice. The only thing keeping your dad from dying now is that baby. Thank God he's here. He's reminding your dad that he's still needed."**_

 _ **"Of course he's still needed. I need him too."**_

 _ **"No, you just reiterated that you hate him. Your dad loves being needed by his kids. That's why he said he would pay for your living expenses, medicine and college. You communicated that you didn't emotionally want him, but because of his love for you; he's making sure you are still taken care of. He needs to know that he can do that."**_

 _ **"Please tell me this isn't how this ends? I want my dad."**_

 _ **"You want him to what? Pay your way? Give you what you want? Keep a roof over your head? Food? Medication?"**_

 _ **"No, I want him. This can't end like this."**_

 _ **"It could."**_

 _ **"Is there a way to change my mind?"**_

 _ **"Maybe. He can forgive you but forgetting that you rejected him? Not so easy."**_

 _ **"Where did I go? Why isn't Tom or Mallory following me?"**_

 _ **"They are more concerned about your dad."**_

 _ **"Am I still at the hospital?"**_

 _ **"Yes. When Tom found you and Emma, Doc Rios insisted that your dad took a breather. He went for a walk. At that point, your dad had all but lost his faith but he found himself in the hospital chapel. You're following his footsteps. We need to watch this."**_

 __"Mike, do you want me to find her? Try and talk her back?"

"Up to you. Unless she has a different mindset, I don't want her back in here. I can't watch her walk away again."

"Babe, any idea where she might have gone? I should have stopped her. I was just worried about you."

"I don't know. It's not your fault."

"I'd better go try and find her." Tom squeezed Mike's shoulder and headed out. He didn't have the first clue as to where to start looking or what to say if he did find her. He checked all the waiting rooms on that floor and decided since it was early morning to check the cafeteria. As he was walking towards it, he glanced into the chapel. He didn't expect to see Hannah in there but had immediately noticed a small young woman with dark hair sitting in one of the pews. Tom honestly didn't think it was Hannah but decided to check. As he got closer, he realized it was her. He'd found her, but now he had to figure out what to say.

"Hannah?"

"Leave me alone." Tom could hear the tears in her voice and decided to disregard her request and walked in and sit down beside her, wrapping an arm around her. Thankfully she didn't pull away or stand up.

"Why are you in the chapel?"

"Where else do I have to go? I can't go home and I don't have my cellphone. I also don't have my heavy coat."

"I see. Well then, you're going to listen to me."

"I don't have a choice?"

"You have a choice once I'm done talking. For now, you're staying here and you are going to listen to everything I say."

"Well since I don't have a choice and no money to call a cab…"

"It's hitting you, the ramifications of walking away from your dad, huh?"

"I have no money, no cellphone, and no ride."

"It goes a lot further than that. I have sit next to your dad for the last several hours, watched him sob over what you said, and trying desperately to figure out how to fix it. I've seen him shot, stabbed and beaten in the past, but all of that is mild compared to what I've seen tonight. If you hate your dad so much, why did you help Mallory with CPR?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I know. You don't hate him. And you don't want him to die."

"IF, IF that is the case, there is no going back now."

"Don't be so sure of that."

"He won't want me."

"You know, he told you that if you choose to leave, you wouldn't be welcome in his home anymore. I don't think he can do that. He will always worry about you. He told me that if you didn't have a different mindset, then he didn't want you back there; he couldn't watch you walk away again. But, I think you have a different mindset. You wouldn't be here if you didn't."

"I can see that but Mallory?"

"She will accept it. She is protective of your dad and she will not allow him to be hurt again. He's already forgiven you and if you choose to go back, he'll forget it because he loves you. She will follow his lead, but I promise, if you don't toe the line, you will not like the outcome. I'm going to step out and let you make your decision. If you decide not to go back, don't count on me giving you money or a cellphone to make a call. Your dad promised that he would take care of you but Mallory, Sasha, Danny, Kara and I will circle the wagons, so to speak, and you will not be allowed to contact him. You will have no way of getting whatever he wants to provide. So you have two choices, you can either walk away and lose your family, or you can come back to that hospital room with me and let the chips fall. It won't be easy but the other alternative isn't a pleasant one. I know what my decision would be. I wouldn't walk, I'd run back to that hospital room."

Tom stood up and walked away, leaving Hannah to make her decision. He wasn't the praying sort, but he was praying that she choose to go back to the room. He knew that Mike would welcome her back with open arms and despite everything that Mallory had said, she would too. He stood just outside the doorframe and watched her. After standing there for about five minutes, he noticed her standing.

Christine and Hannah had made their way into the chapel and was watching real life Hannah. She had her head in her hands and seemed to be praying and crying.

 _ **"So what now?"**_

 _ **"Just have to see what happens."**_

 _ **"I hope I choose to go to the hospital room. That's where I want to be."**_

 _ **"That's where your dad wants you too."**_

 _ **"Tom said that he would welcome me with open arms, is that true?"**_

 _ **"It's your dad, so what do you think? Now, we need to go. We have to see future Christmas's for both you and your dad before you know what has been decided. And just a word of warning, you won't like it to begin with."**_

 _ **"I can't stay and see what I decide?"**_

 _ **"Nope. Let's go."**_

 __Again they were floating away. All Hannah could do was pray that she would make the correct decision. She was terrified of what the future might hold if real life Hannah chose to not go back to the hospital room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 4-Christmas Future

 _ **"Where are we?"**_

 _ **"City Morgue. A year in the future if you don't go back to that hospital room."**_

Hannah was standing next to a stretcher that had a sheet over a body. There was a guy in scrubs, apparently the medical examiner, standing and waiting. He looked bored stiff. She watched as her dad and Mallory walked in. He looked ten years older and she looked exhausted. Mallory tried to get her dad to stand back but he refused.

"I think you know the process, so let's get this over with." The medical examiner pulled the sheet away and folded it over the chest of the body. Hannah got closer and realized that it was her. She hadn't been cleaned up at all, and there was white foam coming out of her mouth and blood on her forehead. She looked over at her dad and he had tears rolling down his cheeks and his knees were giving out. Mallory had a hand on his arm and it looked like she was literally holding him up.

"So, is this your daughter, Hannah Rebecca Slattery?"

"Yes. It's her."

"Alright, her boyfriend gave her a hotshot of meth and heroine. She has also been beaten. Old and new bruises, left wrist is broken. She was also pregnant, twelve weeks. Fetus was a boy."

"Oh, my baby girl." Mike was closer to the stretcher and was wiping the foam off her face with his hand. The tears were rolling down his cheeks rapidly and Mallory had ahold of his arm.

"We usually send these cases to the Potter's Field. Most don't have families. Or at least families that claim them. Are you claiming this body?"

"Of course, she's my baby."

"Doctor, I will call the funeral home and have her picked up." Mallory had stayed quiet the entire time. She was rubbing Mike's back and more or less holding him up. He was in a trance, wiping the foam and blood off Hannah's face. He finally leaned over and kissed her forehead and then stood back up and nodded towards Mallory.

 _ **"That's horrible, Mom! I have to go back to the hospital."**_

 _ **"No. You still have another future Christmas to visit."**_

 _ **"It can't be worse than this, can it?"**_

 _ **"Losing a second child will prove too much for your dad. He will feel extreme guilt for what happened to you and his unborn grandchild. And he will take it out on everyone he loves."**_

 _ **"Oh, God."**_

 _ **"We're ready to leave."**_

Hannah and Christine were back at the house in St. Louis. There were Christmas decorations up but the sadness was like a heavy blanket. Emma, Sailor and Tommy were sitting in the living room, staring at the tree while Mallory was in the kitchen.

"Mom, why won't Daddy come in? We want to open our presents." Emma looked older and her eyes were sad.

"I'll get him. He's in the office."

Christine and Hannah followed Mallory into the office. Mike was sitting at the desk with an empty whiskey bottle in front of him and an empty glass. He looked even older.

"Mike, the kids want to open presents."

"Tell them to go ahead. They don't need me."

"You don't want to watch them? They're really missing you?"

"I'm right here. I haven't gone anywhere. I'm no good to them. They are better off without me."

"They love you and somewhere under all that alcohol you love them too."

"Leave me alone."

"No, Mike. I know you're missing Hannah but you still have three living kids. They need their dad not an empty whiskey bottle." Mallory picked up the bottle and threw it against the wall. It shattered into a hundred pieces and there was glass everywhere. Mike was out of the chair in a flash and had pushed Mallory against the wall, with his hands around her neck.

"Mike, let me go. I can't breathe!" Hannah and Christine watched Emma run in and grab Mike's arm. Mallory was making choking noises and Emma was desperately pulling on Mike's arm. He pushed her away, and she lost her balance. Her head hit the corner of the desk with a sickening thud and she slumped over on the floor, unconscious.

"Mike, what did you do? She isn't breathing!" He let go of her neck and she ran for Emma. Hannah watched her take Emma's pulse and listen to her chest. She grabbed the phone and was calling 9-1-1. Mike was just staring off into space. Mallory confirmed to the operator that Emma had no pulse and was not breathing and she would be starting CPR.

 _ **"Mom? Seriously? He killed Emma?"**_

 _ **"Accidently, but yes. He retired after you died, distanced himself from Mallory and the kids and started drinking. He'll go to jail and end up killing himself in prison. One of the most famous men in the world, reduced to this. Murdering his own child. All because of you saying you hate him."**_

 _ **"He loves Emma. He would never hurt her."**_

 _ **"He does. And it was an accident. He truly didn't intend to kill her."**_

 _ **"I want to go back to the hospital. I need to see what I decide to do. This can't happen."**_

 _ **"Before we do, we have to see the other scenario."**_

 _ **"Which is what?"**_

 _ **"What will happen if you go back to the hospital room."**_

 _ **"Please tell me it's better than this?"**_

 _ **"Yes."**_

 _ **"I'm scared and I want my dad."**_

 _ **"In a bit. You have to see this first."**_

They were in a symphony hall. There was a group of violinist but Hannah was sitting off by herself and was performing a solo. It was beautiful. She was dressed in a plain black dress and had her hair pulled up in a French knot. After her solo was done, she stood up and bowed. The crowd was on their feet, applauding.

"Folks, thank you for attending our concert. That last violinist is Hannah Slattery. Hannah is the daughter of Secretary of the Navy, Mike Slattery. She was recently accepted into Juilliard and this was her last performance with us. We hope she revisits at some point. I might mention that Hannah is all of eighteen years old. She was also given full ride scholarships to several universities but she has decided to follow her dreams of being a concert violinist. Can we give her another round of applause?"

Hannah and Christine watched the audience give another round of applause and the real life Hannah walk off the stage. The crowd was dissipating but Hannah made her way to a couple standing at the front row. It was her dad and Mallory. He looked just like he had always looked. Not wore out and pale. Mallory looked beautiful, and had a baby bump that was more than obvious. Mike pulled real life Hannah into a huge bear hug and kissed her on the forehead.

 _ **"So, you can tell you will have a bright future if you go back to that hospital room and the family is flourishing."**_

 _ **"Mallory is pregnant? Dad looks happy."**_

 _ **"Yeah. He's beyond proud of you. He always loved to listen to you play violin. Better than that heavy metal that he listens to normally."**_

 _ **"That stuff is awful. He always said that my violin playing wasn't his usual type of music but was his favorite."**_

 _ **"He loves it. So you like this version better?"**_

 _ **"Definitely. Are we going back to the hospital?"**_

 _ **"We have one more Christmas to visit. A couple years in the future."**_

 _ **"Is it as happy?"**_

 _ **"Yes."**_

 _ **"Then I guess I can put off going to the hospital. Just one more though?"**_

 _ **"You inherited your father's impatience. Let's go."**_

They were standing outside the St. Louis house. There were Christmas decorations everywhere and Hannah could see the Christmas tree in the front window. They walked into the house and immediately heard laughter. The kids were playing a loud game of Twister and Mike and Mallory were cuddled up on the couch holding two babies that were apparently twins.

"Daddy, what time is Hannah supposed to be home?" Emma had lost and was standing next to the game mat. Sailor and Tommy were still playing.

"Anytime now. I am ready to see her too, Emma."

There was a knock on the door and real life Hannah stuck her head in. The kids all started yelling and Mike jumped off the couch. Real life Hannah laughed and walked in, dropping her luggage and violin case at the door. Mike got to her first and gave her a massive bear hug.

"I've missed you, baby girl. You're home for a month?"

"I've missed you too. I've wanted one of those big hugs since August!"

 _ **"Dad and Mallory had twins?"**_

 _ **"A boy and girl. Faith Christine and Nathan Michael. See how happy everyone is?"**_

 _ **"It's beautiful. I want this to end like this. It's perfect."**_

 _ **"I agree. Good ending."**_

 _ **"So how do I make this happen?"**_

 _ **"It's time to go back to the hospital."**_

Hannah felt like she was floating away again. She truly loved how things could turn out. The happiness was palatable and it was exactly what she wanted. Her family was healthy and happy and she seemed to be thriving. It was beautiful.


	5. Chapter 5

**Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 5

Hannah and Christine were following Tom through the halls of the hospital. He was walking quickly and they couldn't see past him. Even in the elevator, it was like he was directing someone and they couldn't see what was happening, or at least Hannah couldn't. Christine was all knowing.

 _ **"Mom, it looks like Tom has his hands on someone's shoulders but I can't see who?"**_

 _ **"He's an odd one to figure out. Has been for years."**_

 _ **"You won't tell me?"**_

 _ **"Nope. Just watch."**_

 __They were back in the hospital room and Mallory was sitting next to Mike on the bed. He was holding a sleeping Tommy. There were tears in his eyes but he was focused on the baby and was stroking his cheek with his finger. Mallory was keeping an eye on the monitors. She had a worried look on her face.

 _ **"What's happening?"**_

 _ **"Notice how worried Mallory is? Your dad's heart is slowing down and his blood pressure is dropping."**_

 _ **"Can't they do something?"**_

 _ **"No. He's dying, Hannah. And she knows it. She doesn't have the heart to take Tommy away from him. Tommy is why he's holding on. He may very well die, holding his son."**_

 _ **"Where's Tom? Where am I?"**_

 _ **"Tom is on his way but you needed to see what was going on in here first."**_

 _ **"If I'm coming back, will I get there in time? And will it stop him from dying?"**_

 _ **"Possibly. But let's just watch. He has something more to say, because he also knows what is coming."**_

 __"Mal, I know you're angry at Hannah right now. Please do not withhold the kids from her when I die. Try not to blame her. She will beat herself up and she will need the love of a family. I know it's a hard thing to ask, but I'm dying and I know it. I love you. You have made me a very blessed and happy man. Don't carry the anger with you. You are too good for that. Please tell the kids, all the kids, how much I love them and how proud they have made me. Even Hannah. Tom will help you with the finances. The house is paid for, you'll have my pension and I have set up accounts for all the kids. Ask for help from Tom. He'll help with the kids especially."

"Mike, please don't talk like this. It isn't good for you."

"I'm dying. I can talk how I want. I just wish I could see Hannah one more time. Reiterate everything especially how much I love her."

 _ **"Mom?"**_

 _ **"You needed to hear it. But more so, Mallory needed it."**_

 _ **"I thought you said things could be happier? I want that."**_

 _ **"Now we watch. Tom is stepping out of the elevator now."**_

 __Hannah and Christine stood back and watched Tom open the door. Hannah took a deep breath thinking the real life version of herself had decided not to come back but instead she ran through the door. Mallory barely had time to grab Tommy before the rail was dropped down and Hannah jumped onto the bed. Mike wrapped both arms around her and pulled her to where she was laying on his chest. All that could be heard was her sobbing into his hospital gown.

 _ **"What's going to happen?"**_

 _ **"You'll just have to watch. Tom was right though, he welcomed you with open arms. I have to leave soon. You will remember all this but you will never speak of it. It'll be the reminder not to take anything for granted."**_

 _ **"Will Daddy be okay?"**_

 _ **"Yeah, his vitals are already getting better."**_

 _ **"So what now?"**_

 _ **"I leave and you and your dad have a talk."**_

 _ **"That sounds scary."**_

 _ **"Me leaving or the talk?"**_

 _ **"Both, but the talk more so."**_

 _ **"You'll manage through it. I have to leave but don't forget that I'm Tommy's angel and I will also be keeping an eye on you. Watch the attitude with your dad and love your family. That's what you need to know. I love you."**_

 _ **"I love you too. Did you know how it was going to turn out all along?"**_

 _ **"Maybe. I'll see you sometime in the distant future."**_

 _ **"Mom, what about Lucas?"**_

 _ **"Lucas is fine. He's your dad's angel."**_

 _ **"Wow."**_

 __Hannah looked around and Christine was nowhere around. Mallory and Tom were still in the room. She had handed the baby over to Tom and was checking the monitors. Mike still had Hannah on his chest and his coloring was getting better. Doctor Elliott had walked in with the nurse.

"I thought I ordered that Hannah not come in to visit?"

"I asked for her."

"Sir, she caused all this."

"I don't care. I feel better with Hannah here. I want her to stay."

"Doctor Elliott, I understand and appreciate your reasoning but my husband's blood pressure, pulse and pulse ox are all improving since Hannah came in the room. I think it would be a good idea to do an Echo on him but his coloring is better and his skin isn't clammy like it had been."

"You are a pediatrician, and a resident at that. I'm an attending."

"I understand. But it is his choice. To keep him from becoming agitated, we opted to have our daughter here. It was simply a matter of what's best for him. Now, if you want to further discuss this, I suggest we talk in the hallway."

Mallory followed the doctor into the hallway. Tom seemed uncomfortable because he knew Mike needed to talk to Hannah and it wasn't something he needed to be there for. Mallory had brought in the car seat with her and so he laid Tommy down in it and covered him with a blanket.

"Mike, I can take the baby with me but I think you guys need some time."

"Leave him. Would you bring me a cup of coffee?"

Tom nodded at him and moved the car seat closer to the hospital bed. Thankfully Tommy was a sound sleeper. Tom patted Mike's arm and rubbed Hannah's shoulder. She was still crying into Mike's chest. She had calmed somewhat but was still really upset. Tom had known as soon as she walked out of the chapel that she was going back to the hospital room. He hadn't tried to talk to her. He had kept his hands on her shoulders to keep her on track to the room. She was emotionally exhausted. Tom made a fast exit. It just didn't feel right to stay. Mallory was arguing with Doctor Elliott and Tom headed to the cafeteria.

Hannah felt completely wrung out. She knew her dad wanted to talk but she wasn't even sure what to say to fix things. If she stayed cuddled up, she could avoid it. Her dad still had both arms around her and she could hear his heart beating. He had kissed her on top of the head multiple times. Tommy made a cooing noise in his sleep and she could feel her dad trying to lean over to check on him, all while not disturbing her. It was time to face the music. She sat up and looked over to the car seat.

"He's still asleep. He does that in his sleep a lot."

"Good. You ready to talk?"

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"I don't know how to fix what I said. I don't think I can. I want to but I don't know how."

"Okay, we'll talk it out. Can you get that water? I'm parched." Hannah grabbed the cup of water and helped Mike sit up. Mallory and Doctor Elliott had come in and Hannah stepped back.

"Mike, Doctor Elliott is going to do an Echo. See what's going on now. Hannah, I know you know about this test, you can stay if you want to. If you don't want to, you can go to waiting room."

"I'll stay if that's okay?"

"It's fine with me. Mike?"

"I'd prefer Hannah stay."

Tommy had woke up and Hannah was holding him while Mallory and Doctor Elliott performed the test. She stood back and just prayed that there would be no lasting damage. Hannah didn't know what to do if there was damage.

"I don't understand, Doctor Slattery, you saw the earlier Echo. You saw the damage to his left ventricle. Now there is none."

"It doesn't look like anything happened at all. His heart looks like a twenty year old's. How long does it take Broken Heart Syndrome to heal normally?"

"Normally, there would be scar tissue. It would show for months or years after."

"I don't see anything of that nature but I'm not a cardiologist."

"I am and I have no explanation. Admiral Slattery, how do you feel? Any pain?"

"Just tired and I feel like I've been kicked in the chest. I want to go home."

"I think a stress test is in order. I want to see how your heart handles it. After that, if things go well, I see no reason to keep you here. Your wife can observe you. As far as the kick to the chest, you had CPR performed on you and were shocked back into a normal rhythm. It's normal. You have some bruises there too.

"Let's get it done."

"Mike, would you like to rest first?"

"No. I want to go home."

"I can stay with Tommy while you guys do that." Hannah was as wore out as Mike and going home sounded good. Not because she wanted to avoid the inevitable but because being home just seemed like a better place to hash out their problems.

"Okay, let me get you guys settled in the waiting room and we'll get the test started. It won't take too long." Mallory walked Hannah to the waiting room and helped her get Tommy settled down. She was oddly quiet and Hannah knew that Mallory was still extremely angry at her. She had a right to be. About five minutes after Mallory went back to the hospital room, Tom came in with a breakfast sandwich and hot chocolate for Hannah. He also had coffees and sandwiches for Mike and Mallory. He held Tommy while Hannah ate. He was not talkative but didn't seem angry. She knew that her dad would forgive her but she was beginning to wonder about Mallory and Tom.

Hannah fell asleep holding Tommy, leaned into Tom. She didn't know how long she slept but woke up hearing her dad's voice. He gently shook her awake and Mallory took the sleeping baby out of her arms. Mike was wearing a pair of scrubs and despite looking exhausted, looked to be the picture of health. Mallory had left Tom's truck back at his house and had picked up her SUV. Ordinarily Mike would have sat in the front seat but he sit in the back. Hannah was in the middle, next to Mike. It was only a fifteen minute ride to the house but they both fell asleep leaned into each other.

Mallory tapped both of them on the leg, waking them up. Hannah carried the baby in with Mike following. Mallory had gone to Tom and Sasha's with Tom and Hannah suspected that she would be gone for a little bit because she had told Mike to text her when Tommy woke up. Hannah laid him down in his crib. She had no idea what to do next. Mike was showering and shaving. Hannah went into her bedroom and looked at the flowers from the night before. Attached was a card that said "I love you and I am sorry, Daddy." It made her tear up again. She checked on Tommy again and decided to play her violin. It wouldn't wake the baby up and she knew that her dad loved it when she played. Charlie hated her spending so much time in basketball practice and playing her violin. She had realized he wasn't worth it but it could still cost her, her family. She pulled the violin out of the case and sit down and started playing "Silent Night." Without sheet music, it was the only song she could think of. She was really out of practice and it was frustrating.

Mallory came in and heard the violin music coming from upstairs. The younger girls wanted to go for a movie and pizza and Sasha had volunteered to watch Tommy so Mike and Hannah could have some time to themselves. Emma and Sailor had been told that Mike had gotten sick but no other details. They wanted to give him a hug and kiss before they left for the movie and Mallory needed sometime away from Hannah. She knew the anger wasn't good and she did understand how Hannah's boyfriend had led her astray. She had almost lost her husband though and needed the distance. She would forgive Hannah because she knew it was healthy for her family but the hurt would take a while. Mallory could hear Mike in the shower and she stuck her head in the bathroom to give him the game plan.

"Babe, you okay?"

"Yeah. Just taking a breather."

"Are you out of breathe?"

"No, no. Just wanted a break before I talked to Hannah. She's scared."

"Of you?"

"My reaction. Is she playing violin?"

"Yeah. I'm going to nurse Tommy, take him over to Tom and Sasha's, and take Emma and Sailor to see a movie and grab a pizza. The girls think you got sick and so they want to give you a hug and kiss before we go. They don't know that Hannah caused it. I don't have the heart to tell them. And I need a bit of a break from her. Sorry, but I do."

"Come here?"

"You're in the shower?"

"Not the first time you've joined me in the shower. Grab me that towel then, please." Mallory laughed and threw him the towel and he wrapped it around his wasted. The shower turned off and she could hear the violin music and all the squeaks. Hannah hold lost some serious ground, playing.

"Not the first time I've seen you naked either."

"Can't do anything about it right now, unfortunately. Stupid catheter. Babe, I get that you're upset and angry with Hannah. And you have that right. I'm angry at her too. But I also know you, and I know that you love Hannah as much as I do. As angry as we are with her, she's angrier with herself. I don't know her reasoning for saying that she hated me and wanted me to die but I do know my daughter and I know she is beating herself up over it. I'm asking you to let it go…"

"Mike, I understand what you're saying and I do love Hannah. I'm not angry at her but at myself."

"Why? You're amazing."

"After the paramedics took you, I told her that if you died, I wouldn't want her here anymore. What kind of mother does that make me?"

"You were emotional and I understand it. I don't think you could have done it. You would have wanted her here too because you're an amazing mom."

"I can't unsay what I said to her."

"Babe, we are all going to have to do a lot of forgiving and forgetting. Hannah is going to have to forgive me for being gone so much and forgive you for what you said when you were scared. I have to forgive her for what she said and try to get past it. And I need you to forgive me for scaring you so badly."

"No forgiveness for that is necessary. I guess you have a point. I need to have a talk with her too."

"Let me talk to her. I need to gauge what's going on. I think this has something to do with that boyfriend. What do you know about him?"

"Not much of anything. I invited him to dinner so I could get to know him better. You were at Pearl Harbor then. He came but he was extremely rude and disrespectful. I didn't like the way he treated Hannah. Shades of Bradly. I warned her and she apparently told him that I didn't care for him and if I didn't, you'd hate him. She started distancing herself then, acting out, refusing to help with the kids. Totally different kid. I think he is who instigated everything. And he hates the military."

"That won't go far in this house. Hard to believe that Hannah is so easily influenced."

"She's young and in love, or so she thinks. It's kind of normal. She doesn't understand what love is really about. And you have the added problem of her having been so ill. It affects her self-worth. And he played into that."

"Do you think that they had sex?"

"Wow, Mike, you love going to the worst case scenario. I don't think so. Despite what happened last night, she's a good girl. It may not hurt to ask her but that is probably a 'mom thing.'"

"Yeah, having the sex talk with my sixteen year old…not so much."

"Secretary of the Navy, ex-homicide detective and all you've faced and you're scared to talk to your daughter about sex?"

"And I have two more daughters and a son. I'll handle Tommy if you take care of the girls?"

"I'm getting the short end of this straw. I'd better go get Tommy woke up and fed. Emma and Sailor are downstairs and they expect hugs and kisses. Movie is two hours and pizza after. Gives you about three hours. I'll bring a pizza home for you guys. Tommy hates the bottle so I need to be home for his next feeding or we'll be up all night with him because he holds a grudge."

"He does love his mommy. I'm ready for him to be on the bottle so I can feed him. Last night when I was feeding him the bottle, he kept looking at me like I had two heads. I thought he might have forgotten who I was. I was terrified of that, actually. I'm done shaving. I'll dress and go downstairs with the girls."

"Oh, darn, I was hoping you would stay in your towel all night."

"Cute. You okay?"

"Yeah. Just hoping Hannah will forgive me. I was so scared."

"And I hate that I scared like that. Hope you can forgive that?"

Mallory just nodded and kissed him. Tommy started crying and Hannah squeaked her violin again. As Mallory walked into Tommy's room, she heard her sigh with frustration. Hannah had a lot of catching up to do. She knew that she was probably playing because Mike loved listening to it and Hannah was a perfectionist. Tommy was definitely ready to be fed and was thrilled that Mallory was nursing him. She heard Mike head down the stairs and the girls talking to him. Mallory covered the baby with a blanket and walked down the steps. Hannah had followed Mike downstairs and they were all discussing movie options. Hannah's body language showed how nervous she was and despite everything, Mallory felt horribly for her. She sat down next to her and patted her knee. She could feel how tense Hannah was and knew that Mike would hate her being so scared. After Tommy finished nursing, Mallory handed him over to Mike to burp and hold until she got the diaper bag packed and the girl's ready.

Mallory finally got the two girls out the door and Mike took Tommy to Sasha. By the time he got back to the house, Hannah was sitting on the couch with her knees drawn up to her chest and was crying again. Mike grabbed a full box of tissues, and two bottles of water. It was going to be an exhausting couple hours and they were all short on sleep. He sat the water and tissues on the table and sit down next to her, pulling her into a hug. She needed to talk but was completely overwrought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 6

Hannah was still crying into Mike's chest and he kept hearing her cellphone buzzing. She had laid it on the coffee table and seemed to ignoring it or was just too upset to deal with it. Mike finally leaned over and picked it up. Normally he wouldn't invade her privacy but it was getting aggravating listening to it when he wanted to concentrate on his daughter. He knew the code because he had been insistent when he got the phone for her. After punching it in, he realized she had at least twenty five unread text messages from Charlie and half a dozen calls. Mike decided to put an end to it.

 _"This is Hannah's dad. She can't talk right now and I'm shutting her phone off. She isn't feeling well and I don't want her disturbed."_ Mike left the phone on for the time being just to see what the response would be. He sat the phone on his knee and wrapped his arm back around his sobbing daughter.

 _"I need to talk to her. I'll just show up there."_

 _"Not a good idea."_

 _"I'm not scared of you."_

 _"When it comes to my daughter, you need to be scared of me. You've caused a lot of damage that I have to fix. Staying away from Hannah is a very wise idea right now."_ Mike shut the phone off and tucked it into his hoodie pocket. Hannah seemed to be trying to calm herself and he pulled away to get her tissues and a bottle of the water. He handed her the tissues and uncapped the water for her.

"I have your phone and have shut it off. I texted Charlie and told him that you weren't feeling well and that I didn't want you disturbed. He threatened to show up here and I told him it wasn't a good idea and that he needed to be scared of me where you're concerned. You can read through the texts later. I'm not withholding your phone from you. I just think it needs to be shut off for the time being so we can talk. I'm sorry if that makes you mad but I do pay the bill."

"It's okay."

"So what's the deal with this guy?"

"After everything, you want to talk about Charlie?"

"Because I think Charlie caused all this. Mallory told me she had him over for dinner and that he was rude and disrespectful. She didn't like how he treated you. And she also said that he hates the military. Does he know what my position is?"

"Yeah and he knows you were on the Nathan James."

"Okay. Well I can't change what I am. I could retire and I would do that if I thought it would help you but I don't think that's the answer to this. Has he hurt you in anyway?"

"How do you mean?"

"Physically, sexually, emotionally abused you?" Hannah had drawn her knee back up and had her chin sit on it and was biting her lower lip. It made Mike nervous. "Hannah, talk to me. Whatever it is, we'll deal with it."

"He didn't hurt me, not physically and we didn't have sex. He wanted me to but I wouldn't."

"That makes me feel better, somewhat. You didn't say anything about the emotional side of it though. Hannah, what you said last night was completely out of character for you. I am your father and I know how you tick. Something had to have happened for you to feel that you hate me and that you wanted me to die. I want to get to what it was, so I can fix it, if I can. If it's about me being gone over your birthday, I am sorry for that. It's not like I wanted to be. I hate being gone so much. If you want me to retire, I will. I want to fix whatever this is. You made the choice to come back to that hospital room and given how upset you've been, you don't hate me. Mallory told me that you helped her with CPR, so that shows that you didn't want me to die. Now, I need you to tell me what has been going on with you. You've dropped out of basketball, your grades are slipping, up until today, you hadn't picked your violin up since I left for the Pacific, and Mallory has had her hands full with you. Hannah, Mallory and I both love you very much and we want you to be happy. You are clearly not. I want to and need to fix that, at whatever cost. But you have to talk. As much as I'd like to help you and as glad as I am that you came back to the hospital room, I need to know why. I will still love you at the end of the day and every day, but I need you to tell me. That's non-negotiable."

"After what I said?"

"Huh?"

"You still love me, after what I said? It was horrible and you almost died because of it."

"Hannah, loving you comes as natural as breathing to me. Mallory too. What you said was horrible and it hurt, obviously. But it won't change how much Mallory and I love you. I am only asking for the reason why and I think Charlie is behind it. Mallory told me he hates the military."

"Okay, first of all. I don't hate you and I don't want you to die. I love you. I think we need to clear that up right now."

"I appreciate that. And I love you too. Now on with it, Hannah. You're trying to distract me."

"Jeez, Dad. Little impatient?"

"I have a good reason. I want this all behind us."

"Yeah, I guess I do too. It's just hard to talk about and I guess I'm scared still."

"Alright, I'll bite. What are you scared of? You know I will still love you so that's not it. Mallory will be speaking with you later about what she said to you. She said it out of a place of fear and feels badly about it. She would be here but she felt that you and I needed sometime to ourselves to solve all this. So what are you afraid of?"

"I guess that was the biggest thing. Charlie hated that I spent so much time around Mallory and the kids and with violin practice and basketball. He would tell me that guys don't like it when their girlfriends are involved in all that stuff. And because of my health problems, I wouldn't get any other boyfriends. He also didn't like me spending any time around Ashley. I wanted to fit in and he's popular. Has his own car and everything. He says he hates his parents all the time. The counselor at school was telling about how all the males will have to register when they turn eighteen and if anything comes up, they may be drafted. Charlie hated that. He didn't want to be told what to do. He hates you because of that. I tried to explain to him that it had gone on for years before the pandemic but he wouldn't listen. Told me I was stupid. I tried distancing myself from him but he calls and texts all the time. It's aggravating. He said if I broke up with him, he would tell everyone that I had sex with all the football players. I didn't. But I also didn't want him to say that either. For him hating you and the military so much, he wanted to date me because I was your daughter. I don't understand it. Anyway, last night, he turned my words around on me. I said I hated your job and I do. I won't apologize for that. He somehow got me to say that I hated you. I don't even really know how it happened. As far as wishing you'd die, I don't know why I said that. It was stupid. I hate that I hurt you like that. I hate myself for it. I don't know how you or Mallory either one could love me. I'm not worth it…"

"Whoa, right there. You are worthy of love. My love, Mallory's love. As far as Charlie is concerned, I'm going to let you in on something. Guys are stupid. Guys, especially sixteen year old's tend to think with something other than their brain. By the time they get to my age, they've wised up some. And another secret, there are a lot of fish in the sea that will see you as a beautiful young woman. Now, I would prefer that would be in several years' time. I'm not going to tell you that you have to break up with Charlie but I will point out the amount of heart ache he's caused. You, me, Mallory, Tom. Is he worth all that? It's something you have to ask yourself. He brought out the worse in you. The people that love you know you are better than that. If he's threatening you, that he'll spread rumors about you if you break up with him, that in itself should tell you something. As far as the registering is concerned, you were right. That has been going on for many years. I have nothing to do with it. I can't stop it either. Being in the service would probably teach Charlie a lot though. You said you hate my job. Do you want me to retire? Because of bringing the cure home, my name will always be out there so I can't help that. My career has impeded a lot of things and I have not been the father you deserved because of it. I will always regret that. My career is important to me and I feel I can do a lot of good as Secretary of the Navy but you are far more important to me. I will retire if you want me to. I joined the Navy to better provide for you and your mom. There were no romantic notions of patriotism that caused me to sign up. It was so I could have you guys living in a better home and didn't have to stress about buying medicine or milk. Now, I did keep my commission because of patriotism and feeling I could do more good as a sailor than I could as a cop. I love the life. But I love you more. I'll give it up in a nanosecond to ensure your happiness."

"Can I think about you retiring? At least overnight?"

"Yes. I would actually prefer that to a knee jerk reaction."

"Okay. As far as breaking up with Charlie, I was going to regardless of what you said. Mallory told me after the dinner she had, that Charlie reminded her of Bradly with how he treated me. I don't guess I understand that, but I don't want a relationship like that. Ashley told me she couldn't be friends with me while I insisted on dating Charlie, so I'll at least have her as a friend when I break up with him. Can I ask you something about you and Mom?"

"Sure." Mike still had his arm around her and had taken a sip of his water. He was exhausted and wanted everything behind them.

"I did the math. I was born six months after you guys got married. So she was pregnant when you got married. Was I the reason you guys got married?"

"The knee jerk answer is yes. But I loved your mom, still do. We weren't necessarily compatible and within a few years, she hated my career too. It's hard to say what would have happened if she had survived. As much as we still loved each other, I am afraid we would have ended up divorced. Especially after losing Lucas. A strained marriage would not have survived the loss of a child. A good marriage doesn't always survive it. As far as getting married because of you, I'm glad we did. Your mom gave me three beautiful children and a lot of happy memories. It's not a decision I regret at all. We had dated for almost a year before she got pregnant with you and honestly, I needed to get my butt in gear and propose anyway, you just gave me the incentive. She made me a very lucky man. Way out of my league on that one."

"You and Mallory get along better. You seem happier."

"I'm more mature. Home more. Trust me; there are times that I test Mallory's patience. As far as being happier, maybe, I am. Comparing the two of them is like comparing apples and oranges. Two completely different women. Your mom gave me a lot of good years and you and your sister, Lucas too. For that, I will always be grateful and I will always love her. You don't need to worry about if because of you, I married your mom and wasn't completely happy. There will be times that I won't be completely happy with Mallory and times she won't be completely happy with me. Marriage is give and take."

"It worried me. And knowing you and Mallory got together because of me."

"I think it's a coincidence. You've given me a lot of happiness. First with your birth and then your life."

"I guess."

"I know. Do me a favor and never let anyone make you think you aren't smart, beautiful or worthy of love. I'm biased and wired to think you are all those things but other people see it too. Mallory, Tom, Sasha, Kara, Wolf, Becky. The list goes on and on. All people that adore you and are inspired by you."

"Yeah and when they heard what I said and what I caused, they won't think that."

"As far as my heart issue?"

"Yeah. They'll all hate me."

"Hannah, no one hates you. Or will. I am choosing to forgive you and I want to put all this behind us. Now, we are choosing not to tell Emma and Sailor why I got sick. They won't understand it and I don't want to cause any hard feelings between you three. I am going to ask that you forgive yourself. Until you do that, this is going to hang over you and you won't recover from it."

"I'll try. Is your heart okay?"

"Yeah. Mallory and Doctor Elliott can't figure out what happened. The first test they did; there was significant damage. The second one was perfect and the stress test went well. They want me to take it easy for a while to make sure there are no problems but they think I'm okay."

"I'm really glad. Knowing I almost killed you really hurts."

"So look at it this way, you saved my life too. Performing CPR? Coming back into the hospital room?"

"I should have never left the hospital room the first time. That was stupid."

"Why did you?"

"Leave or come back?"

"Both."

"Just before Mallory and I got there, Charlie had texted me, telling me that I didn't need you guys and would be fine on my own. We'd get an apartment and all. Then you told me what you did. When Tom found me in the chapel; he told me that you would welcome me back with open arms but if I choose to not come back, he would make sure I couldn't contact you. Don't be mad at him. I realized, I had no money, no cellphone because it was in Tommy's diaper bag, no coat. But more than that, I guess I realized, I wouldn't have a family or a good future either. I guess I had to decide if Charlie was worth all that and I decided he wasn't."

"Well, I'm glad. Now, what are you going to do about Charlie?"

"I know I'm breaking up with him. Aside from that, I don't know."

"It's up to you, how you do it. It doesn't sound like it will be a pleasant experience for you so if you need me talk to the school or block his number I will. It might be poor parenting on my part, but I will not get in the middle of this otherwise. I will protect you if you need protecting but this is something you need to do on your own. You've made some adult decisions that turned out wrong and you have to live with those consequences now. One of those consequences is dealing with Charlie."

"I figured you would say that. What are the other consequences?"

"I am not thrilled with how you've treated Mallory over the past two months. I asked for you to help with the younger kids. Had you done that, I had plans on taking you on a trail ride through the Ozark Mountains this summer. You've lost that. You can earn it back by getting your grades up, helping with the younger kids, and going to your violin lessons. It's too late for basketball now. And I do realize I am taking something away that you didn't know you even had, so I am giving you a chance to earn it back. You are also grounded for two weeks. No movies or going out with friends, especially Charlie. I will give you your phone back so that you can break it off with Charlie but I do want it back. This is not only a punishment but also a protection. If he starts blowing your phone up, it'll be me that he deals with. You can go to violin practice and any after school tutoring you need to. I will pick you up and drop you off. Once the two weeks is up, we will take you for your driver's test. This is not a punishment but a responsibility. I am still planning on buying you a car; that hasn't changed. I will pay for it, but you have to pay the gas and insurance. You will do this by babysitting for Mallory and I. To earn the rest and any pocket money, the Green's are going to need a babysitter soon for their anniversary. I'm volunteering you. Tom and Sasha also need a babysitter for Jed and Sarah Elizabeth. I will also be volunteering you for that. You can team up with Ashley for that if you want. Once school is out this summer, you will have more babysitting responsibilities where Tommy is concerned. Emma and Sailor are getting old enough that they just need someone to monitor them. Make sure they don't burn the house down and eat real food. I do realize you could get a job and make more money but I don't want you to. Partly because of your health. I want you to concentrate on being a kid. Not that arguing would do you any good; but any arguments?"

"No, sir."

"Hannah, I am not punishing you for what you said last night. You're punishing yourself enough for that. I am punishing you for how you've acted. You owe Mallory an apology. How you've acted is completely and totally unacceptable. I realize you were being influenced by Charlie but this needs to serve as a lesson to not be so easily swayed. Regardless of what happened last night; you were still going to have this punishment. I also realize that your levels are messed up and you maybe haven't been thinking quite right. I am taking that into account. The punishment could be much more severe, trust me."

"I don't have any arguments where it's concerned. I honestly think I deserve worse."

"Let me ask you this then; how do you think I should punish you?"

"I apologize to Mallory and Tom both; no horseback riding until summer, I lose my phone for a month and I don't get a car until I'm eighteen. I also should do all the cleaning and laundry in addition to the babysitting."

"I agree with the apologizing but I want you to write a handwritten letter to both of them. We'll compromised and say March 1st on the horseback riding because it's something I enjoy doing with you and I would prefer you not being in the cold. Okay on the phone. And let me talk to Mallory on the car. We will need you driving before then so you can help with the kids. Both our vehicles maybe tied up. I agree on the cleaning and laundry for the next month. After that; it will be cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting and your own laundry. I also want you to cook a meal a week."

"Sounds fair considering I deserve much worse because of what happened to you."

"Again, I'm not punishing you for that. Just for how you've acted while I was gone. I really want you to forgive yourself. When it counted, you did the right thing. I need to move past this and I can't do that with you not moving past it. I'm not asking this of you, I'm begging you to do this. For my sanity and yours."

"It's really hard knowing that I could have killed you, that's what I'm having trouble with. You've always been an amazing dad and I've been a really horrible daughter. You stayed with me all those times I was sick and this is how I repaid you. I literally broke your heart and there may be long lasting damage. It's bad enough that I could have killed my own dad, but I would have also been killing Emma, Sailor, and Tommy's dad. How do I get past that?"

"I don't really know. I guess that's the part you have to live with. As far as you being a horrible daughter, for the first time in sixteen years, this is the first time I've been disappointed with you. That's a pretty good track record. Now, Mallory and the girls are going to be back soon. I am serious. I want us past this. You can give me your answer concerning my retirement when you are ready to. Mallory is going to talk to you, probably tonight. She feels horribly about how she spoke to you, so I am asking that you extend the same grace to her that I am extending to you. Okay?"

"Okay, how do I make it to where you aren't disappointed anymore?"

"I'm already not as much. Write those apology letters and one more thing?"

"Yeah?"

"Stand up and give me a hug."

Hannah practically jumped up and Mike laughed at her. He stood up slowly and pulled her into a massive bear hug. He didn't know how long they stood like that but it felt good. He had noticed a faint smell of roses, very similar to what Christine had always smelled like. It was odd because Mallory didn't have any fresh roses downstairs and Hannah wasn't wearing any perfume. It made him wonder if it was Christine. Focusing back in on Hannah, he decided there were worse presences to have around.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you more, Hannah."

 **I'm having trouble deciding rather I need to add another chapter to this. It seems like a good stopping point but I also left it open ended so that Hannah could make her other apologies so please review and let me know what you think!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 7

Hannah went upstairs before Mallory and the girls got home and worked on her apology letters. She didn't want her dad to be disappointed or ashamed of her anymore. Knowing he was, had really hurt. She had texted Charlie and told him that she was breaking up with him and immediately handed the phone back to her dad, she didn't want to see the response. The letters were hard to write. She had decided to write one to her dad too. It had just seemed right. She had heard him leave the house and then come back in with Tommy. She also heard Mallory and the girls come in and her dad telling them to give her some privacy. The first letter she wrote was to her dad. She felt it was actually more important than the other two.

" _Daddy,_

 _I know you didn't say anything about me writing you a letter but I felt like I should and I also know you want to put all this behind us, but I thought you deserved a more formal apology. I am so very sorry. I am afraid this will always hang over us and things will never be normal again. I wish I could go back in time and never say that stuff and never treat Mallory like I did._

 _You had told me that you were disappointed in me and while I know I am deserving of that, I don't like it. I want you to be proud of me and I know you aren't right now. I want to earn that back._

 _I love you so much,_

 _Hannah"_

Hannah took the letter in and put it on her dad's nightstand. She propped it up on a picture of her, Emma and their dad at his Medal of Honor ceremony. They were both kissing his cheeks and he looked so proud and happy. She wanted him to be that proud of her again. She headed back into her bedroom to write the letters to Mallory and Tom. She could hear her family downstairs laughing and talking and while she knew she could go downstairs, she felt excluded. She sit back down at her desk and started Mallory's letter.

" _Mom,_

 _I am really sorry for how I've acted with you the last couple months. You have shown me nothing but love and kindness and you deserved to be treated better. You are definitely not the typical stepmom and I appreciate that about you._

 _I love how happy my dad is with you. I know he loved my mom but with you, it's different. You're each other's soulmate and I hope someday I can find a love like what you have._

 _I know Daddy is disappointed and ashamed of me which means you are too, probably. I hate that almost as much as I do with him being disappointed in me. I want to fix that._

 _Daddy said that you felt badly for how you spoke to me last night. Don't. I deserved it and much worse than what you said._

 _I love you,_

 _Hannah"_

Hannah took Mallory's letter into the master bedroom and sit it next to a picture of her, Mallory, Sailor and Emma at a ladies luncheon at their church that took place on Mother's Day. Emma's arm was still in the cast due to the injury to her shoulder and arm from her abduction and Sailor had only lived with them for about two months at that point. Despite all that, they all looked happy. Hannah headed back into her own bedroom to write the last letter. It was almost suppertime and she was hungry and tired. Tom's would be slightly easier to write.

" _Uncle Tom,_

 _I owe you an apology for putting you in the situation you were in last night and I need to thank you for convincing me to go back to the hospital room. I'm not sure I would have had the courage to if you hadn't literally steered me in that direction._

 _You are owed a huge thank you for everything you've done for my family over the last two years and even longer than that. You've been our friend and advocate all along._

 _I love you,_

 _Hannah"_

Hannah felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She knew the hurt would stay for a while and her dad would still be ashamed of her but she was starting to feel better. She didn't really even care what happened with Charlie at that point. She sealed the letter to Tom and wondered if she could go downstairs. She still felt excluded from her family.

"Hannah, supper is ready. Come downstairs."

Hannah headed down the stairs and joined her family at the table. She ended up sitting beside her dad. They joined hands and her dad said the blessing over the food. He squeezed her hand and let go.

Supper was lighthearted and fun. Hannah didn't feel the least bit left out and they all discussed plans for Christmas which was in two days. As promised, she washed all the dishes but Mallory insisted on helping her while Mike and the younger kids watched a movie.

"Daddy had me write apology letters and yours is on your dresser."

"Okay. He told me. I owe you an apology for…"

"No, you don't. I have been horrible to you and you deserved better. You had a right to say what you did."

"I love you, sweetie. Go sit down with your dad and the kids. I'll finish in here."

"I love you too. You sure?"

"Yep, go."

Hannah settled on the couch next to her dad. Emma and Sailor were on his other side and Tommy was sleeping in his arms. She cuddled close to him and he smiled over at her.

"Tom and Mallory's letters written?"

"Yes. I also wrote one for you. It's on your nightstand. I thought I needed to."

"Alright. I'll read it before bed. I ended up blocking Charlie from calling and texting you. I'll call the school and speak with them before you go back to school. Things may be a bit rocky for you there, and I am sorry for that."

"Part of the consequences."

"Yeah, it is. Relax, Hannah. You're tensed up."

Hannah nodded at him and put her head on his shoulder. She realized how tired she was and ended up falling asleep. At some point, she felt Mallory put a blanket over her and kiss her on the forehead. She felt safe.

Emma and Sailor went up to bed and Mallory brought both letters down when she took Tommy upstairs. Both her and Mike cried reading them and somehow Hannah slept through it all. Mike wanted to correct her but the truth was, he was disappointed in her and the knowledge of that seemed to do more than any other punishment could. He decided to just let it lay and Mallory agreed. Mike finally woke Hannah up and gave her a kiss goodnight before she headed upstairs.


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry, I'm running late on finishing my Christmas stories out. Life got busy! Will have them done within a day or so.

 **Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 8

Christmas Eve was the typical busy day in the Slattery household. Mallory, Emma and Sailor made cookies and candy and Hannah was on dish duty. She felt excluded even though both Mallory and her dad had hugged and kissed her that morning. She didn't feel a part of any of the conversations. The disappointment she felt from both her parents really bothered her. She watched her dad pretty closely and Mallory had insisted on him staying on the couch, cuddling with Tommy. She knew her dad would never refuse affection but she felt like she wasn't allowed, even with Mallory, to hug or be close to her family. Emma and Sailor sit down mid-afternoon after all their cookies and candies were made. She tidied the kitchen and sit in the recliner. They had a movie going but Hannah was having trouble focusing. The house phone rang and Hannah handed it over to her dad. Charlie didn't have that number but if he had gotten it; she didn't want to deal with it. She only heard one side of the conversation but knew it involved her.

"Yes, we are planning on being at the Christmas Eve service tonight."

"As far as Hannah is concerned, if she wants to play violin tonight; it's fine with me. I'll let you ask her though." Mike handed her the phone and focused back on the movie. Pastor Robert was on the other side of the line.

"Hannah, my organist got food poisoning and I need someone to play 'Silent Night' during communion. Could you play your violin?"

"Yes, sir. Since my dad is okay with it. I am pretty rusty. "

"You'll be fine. See you in a few hours."

Hannah hung up the phone and realized she needed to practice and she would be putting her family through her mistakes while she worked on it. She handed the phone back to her dad and stood up."

"If I don't have any more chores, I'm going to go practice?"

"Okay."

As Hannah climbed the stairs, her eyes filled with tears again. She hated herself and hated the disappointed she was feeling. She knew she deserved it but it was unbelievably hard. She shut the door to her room; partly to not subject her family to her bad playing but to also cry her tears.

Mike and Mallory exchanged a look as Hannah walked up the stairs. They had both noticed the tears in her eyes. It was important that Hannah see the ramifications of her actions, but they hadn't imagined how difficult acting disappointed and ashamed would be. Mike felt like it communicated to her that she had lost their love and he hated that. Before too long; they could hear her playing and all the squeaks and scratches. Emma and Sailor were both groaning and Tommy had woke up in a terrible mood.

As the afternoon wore on; the playing steadily got better. Mallory fixed an early dinner so the family had plenty of time to get ready. Mike carried Hannah's plate up to her and listened outside her room for a minute. He heard her crying and it made him want to cry but he had to put his "dad face" on.

"Hannah, we are going to leave in about an hour. You have time to eat and change clothes."

"Yes, sir."

Mike noticed how red and blotchy her face was and the unshed tears in her eyes. Instead of hugging her like he desperately wanted to; he turned around and left her room. He went in and changed his own clothes and then went downstairs. They finished eating and Mallory went up to change her own clothes and Tommy's. Mike started to wash up the dishes but instead yelled for Hannah to do them.

About five minutes later; she came down wearing a black knee length dress with a simple white collar. Her hair was pulled back and make up on. Mike noticed how pale she was and how stiffly she was walking. It made him wonder if her thyroid levels were crashing. She immediately started the dishes without saying a word.

They were out the door in less than an hour. Emma and Sailor both sat in the back, with Tommy and Hannah in the first back seat. When she went to get in the backseat, her foot slipped off the runner and she practically fell into him. He gave Mallory a look and helped Hannah up. He already had a hold of her violin case and Mallory was putting Tommy in his car seat.

"Sorry, Daddy."

"It's okay. Are you feeling okay?"

"Just stiff. I'm okay."

"Mike, I think her levels are dropping. Once we get home, a warm bath and some heating pads usually help with the pain. I'll call the endocrinologist the day after tomorrow. She'll be alright until then."

"I deserve it."

Mike and Mallory were getting into the front seat and exchanged a look. They were both having trouble with the tough love aspect of her punishment. The drive to church was mostly quiet except for Emma and Sailor's chatter. Once they got to the church; Hannah met with Pastor Robert and then set with her family. She stayed on the outer part of the pew next to Mike and at one point; he felt her stiffen up when she looked a couple pews back.

"What's wrong?"

"Charlie is here with his parents. He never comes to church."

"Ignore him. We'll get out of here as soon as church is over in case he wants to make a scene. This isn't the place or time. It's almost time for you to go up front. Let's get this violin out of the case? You ready?"

"Yes, sir."

He nodded at her and quietly helped her. She was nervous and he hoped it didn't affect her playing. She would beat herself up if she messed it up. She made her way up front before they started passing out communion and at Pastor Robert's direction began playing.

Mike had never heard her play so flawlessly. It was beautiful and she did it from memory. There were few dry eyes in the sanctuary and Mike was proud of her. After the service; they were headed out of the church when Charlie approached them. Mike was carrying Tommy but immediately handed him over to Mallory and pushed Hannah out of the way. Mallory headed the younger kids out to the vehicle and Mike kept himself in between Charlie and Hannah.

"This isn't the time or place. I suggest that you go back to your parents and leave my daughter alone."

"She hates you. Get out of my way."

"Just leave me alone, Charlie. I want to go home with my family. Daddy, can we please just go?"

"Yeah, he isn't worth our time."

Mike put his arm around Hannah and walked her out to the SUV. He felt badly for her. She was in pain, physically and emotionally and having to deal with Charlie. As disappointed in her as he was, it still hurt him to see her hurting.

They got settled into the SUV and headed home. Emma and Sailor were singing Christmas songs, badly. Normally Hannah would have joined in but she stayed focused on the passing landscape outside the window. They got home and all changed into pajamas. Mallory sat Hannah down in the recliner, turned the heater on and covered her with a blanket. What hurt Mike was seeing her hook the portable oxygen tank up and put the nasal cannula on her. It had been almost a year since she had to wear it last. Mallory had hot chocolate in the crockpot and he got Hannah a cup. They always opened one present on Christmas Eve and he specifically picked out the one he wanted Hannah to open. It was a picture that Mallory had taken at Mike's Father's Day barbeque. He had his arm around her and was kissing the side of her head. Mallory had framed it in a nice wood frame that would go well in Hannah's room.

The kids unwrapped the presents and he hugged and kissed Emma and Sailor goodnight. Mallory had taken Tommy up to nurse and Hannah had gotten up to wash up the mess from the hot chocolate. She was still quiet and seemed to be in even more pain. She was insistent on washing the dishes up but he took care of drying them.

"So, you did a beautiful job tonight playing."

"Thanks, I messed up a couple times."

"Had me fooled. Did you like your Christmas present?"

"I loved it. I didn't figure I would get anything after yesterday. Maybe a lump of coal."

"Nah. Like I said yesterday, you've had a great track record and while I'm disappointed in you; I would never withhold your Christmas presents from you. I also don't think you deserve not feeling well. You are a part of this family, a very vital part. Mallory and I love you very much."

"I love you too. But you're wrong. I do deserve this and a lot worse. I almost killed you. You have done nothing but love and support me, even now. And we see how I repaid you. I am not going to just get over that. I can't and I shouldn't. Dishes are done. I am going to go up and go to bed. Night."

She was out of the room and going upstairs before Mike could catch her. She had grabbed her oxygen bottle before she went and he heard her bedroom door close which meant that she didn't want bothered. He was at a complete loss as to what to do. Mallory came downstairs and wrapped her arms around him.

"This with Hannah is getting to you, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I know we are supposed to be showing her the ramifications of her actions but she isn't seeing it that it's a punishment for acting out, but for what she said. She thinks she's deserving of not feeling well. It worries me."

"Depression is normal with her levels tanking. Plus, the added trauma of what happened with you and breaking up with a boy she thought she loved. It's created a perfect storm."

"So what do we do about it?"

"Keep an eye on her, and let her know we love her. I think the knowledge of our disappointment is doing more than any punishment would to her. We just have to stay the course."

"I hate tough love."

"Me too. I'll call her doctor first thing. I told her to wear her nasal cannula to bed and put the extra baby monitor in her room."

"Okay. It's like we are going back in time to when they were first found."

"Except you don't have to bandage her feet or feed her."

"True, ready for bed? Likely going to be an early morning."

"Yeah. Let's go."

Mike and Mallory headed upstairs and he opened Hannah's door before checking on Emma, Sailor and Tommy. Hannah was sleeping soundly with her oxygen on. He put both baby monitors on his nightstand and curled up next to Mallory.


	9. Chapter 9

I am drawing this to a close. For those of you that are medical people, you may disagree with my writing concerning the treatment but I have personal experience where these diseases are concerned and it is how mine is treated(with success). I also know how difficult it is to get the diagnosis. I used some artistic license concerning it. As always, reviews are always appreciated.

 **Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 9

Sailor had woke the entire house up at five am. It was her first Christmas with them and she had never had an actual Christmas. She was ecstatic and it was fun to watch her. Hannah was still not feeling well and was in a lot of pain. Mallory was monitoring her pretty closely and had brought her oxygen tank downstairs and hooked it up. Mike turned the chair heater on for her and wrapped a blanket around her. It was going to be a rough day for her. Mallory had gone back upstairs to feed Tommy and Mike got the presents separated. He had gone a bit overboard with all the kids. Emma and Sailor were sitting on the floor not so patiently waiting on Mallory to start opening their presents and Hannah was trying not to cry from pain. Mike sit all her presents on the table next to her and checked her pulse. He was worried sick about her.

"Aside from the pain, any other symptoms? Chest pains?"

"No. I deserve it." Mike leaned down in front of her and touched her forehead. There was no fever and in fact her skin felt cold. He grabbed another blanket and wrapped it around her. "Why are you doing all this? You should hate me?"

"I could never hate you. I love you. You don't deserve any of this. As far as why I'm doing this, I am your dad. It's my responsibility. I hate that you aren't feeling well and I wish I could take your place."

"But you're disappointed…"

"I am disappointed in your actions but I would never wish this pain on you. Now, I really want you to enjoy your presents. You can nap later if you need to."

"But I am supposed to wash dishes and help with Tommy and…"

"I'm giving you a pass on that until you feel better."

She nodded at him and reached for one of her presents. Mike kissed her on top of the head. He knew her lack of argument was due to not feeling well and a lack of energy. Mallory was just as worried as he was and they exchanged a look when she came downstairs with Tommy. He stayed on the floor next to Hannah's chair to help her with her presents while Mallory held Tommy. The baby really didn't care about any of his presents, but was fascinated with the paper and the bright lights on the tree. Emma and Sailor dug into their presents and it was thrilling to watch Sailor getting so excited about not only her presents but also everyone else's.

Hannah was happy with her presents and had even smiled a few times which had been rare the last couple days. She was highly amused just watching Sailor open her presents and Mike had to prompt her to open her own. She had gotten new sheet music for her violin, some new clothes and make-up, riding boots and a locket from Mike. She asked Mallory to put it on for her and Mike noticed Mallory looking at Hannah suspiciously. He had noticed a rash across her cheeks and nose but had figured it had to do with her thyroid levels, nerves or wood heat. Mallory looked extremely worried though.

Tommy was fussy due to the early morning and Mallory needed to fix breakfast. Hannah took him and he cuddled onto her chest and they were both asleep in no time. Mallory gestured for Mike to follow her into the pantry. She had been texting someone and watching Hannah.

"What's going on?"

"That rash on Hannah's face. It's butterfly shaped."

"I noticed it but what does the shape matter? I figured it had something to do with her thyroid levels. They said her skin would dry out."

"It may have something to do with that but it is also a symptom of another disease. And she's displaying some other symptoms. I texted my attending. He suggested doing some bloodwork. Specifically an antibody test."

"Okay. I have no idea what an antibody test is and what other disease?"

"Have you heard of Lupus?"

"I've heard the name but I'm drawing a blank."

"It's an auto immune disease. It walks hand in hand with thyroid disorders and the symptoms are very similar. The bad part is the antibody test will be inconclusive because the thyroid levels will throw it off. Her symptoms match but there is no sure test for Lupus."

"Why has this never been brought up before? "

"It's the first time I've noticed that rash and it's a dead giveaway."

"So you want to do the test that may not even tell for sure? How do we explain that to Hannah? She already thinks she deserves this."

"I have some tubes in my med kit and I work tonight. I'll draw her blood and tell her it's just checking her TSH level. If the test shows that her body is attacking itself, we have to tell her."

"I'm confused."

"When someone has Lupus or thyroid disorder, the body attacks the joints, causing pain. It can also attack the organs. It causes rashes, most notably the butterfly rash. Extremities will be cold. Her hands are like ice cubes. She's emotional, and exhausted. Lupus presents in flare ups, normally brought on by stress. Hannah has been through a lot the past couple days. I think she has this disease and is mid flare up. Her thyroid levels may have also caused it."

"Okay, so long term?"

"It can cripple her, and cause organ damage.

"Her heart and lungs are already damaged. So what kind of cure?"

"Mike, like the thyroid disorder, there is only a treatment, not a cure. It can be managed."

"How?"

"We keep a close eye on her thyroid levels since that seems to be the link, and minimize the stress on her. Warm blankets and such will help with the pain."

"So there is no exact diagnosis, no cure, treatment is minimal and she…my baby has to suffer?"

"More or less."

"Why?"

"With the pandemic, meds that might have treated this aren't being produced any longer. We're lucky that her thyroid meds are being produced. We can minimize the impact though."

"No, why her? She's a good kid. I know the past couple months have been rough and she stepped out of line in a major way the other night, but why her? She's a good girl. She already blames herself and thinks this pain is a punishment for what she said about me. How do we stop that?"

"I wish I knew. I'm just praying that the antibody test is negative but it probably won't be."

"Can it be positive and she not have the disease?"

"Yes. That's why it's so hard to diagnose. We just don't have the ability to do all the tests we would have done before and even then, it was hard to diagnose. Not it's impossible and the meds were rough before. Now? It's better if we just manage the thyroid disorder."

"My God. Can it cause her to die?"

Mallory just nodded at him and pulled him into a hug. His mind was in overdrive and they couldn't even get a sure diagnosis. Mike's biggest fear was that he would outlive another one of his children and now the possibility of that was even bigger. Mallory just wished that she had waited until after Christmas to tell him what her suspicions were. He finally pulled away and seemed to be gathering himself.

"Do the bloodwork tonight and if she has it, or you suspect it, we tell her tomorrow or whenever the labs come back."

"I agree. I also think we need to ease up the grounding. Not sure how exactly though since she choose her punishment."

"I gave her a pass on the housework since she wasn't feeling well."

"Good idea. Keep the other stuff, no phone, not going out with friends."

"I feel so horribly for her. She doesn't deserve this."

"She doesn't. The trick is going to be us making sure she doesn't feel she deserves it. I'll fix breakfast; right don't you relax with them. You don't need the stress either."

"What time is dinner with Tom and Sasha?"

"Two. I also need to fix a salad and the potatoes. I work at seven tonight. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah. Do you need help?"

"Nah. Just relax."

"You're amazing."

Mike reached over and kissed Polly on the cheek. Emma and Sailor were playing on the living room floor and Hannah had the baby lying on her chest with the blanket over both of them. He was still asleep but she was awake and looking at her sheet music. Mike leaned down and kissed the top of Tommy's head and Hannah's forehead which earned him a small smile.

"Do you want me to take him?"

"No. He's snuggled up. Besides, I'm not doing anything that I'm supposed to. I might as well be holding him."

"He sure loves you but then the feelings mutual with me. Mallory and I are giving you a pass on the housework until you get to feeling better. The no phone and no going out is still in effect." Hannah's eyes filled with tears and her forehead creased up. He hadn't planned on that reaction when he told her that he was letting her off on some of her responsibilities. "What's wrong? You're supposed to be thrilled."

"But…I don't want you and Mallory to be disappointed in me anymore and if I don't do the chores, then you will be." The tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was breathing heavily. Mike turned her oxygen up and wiped the tears. He had to choose his words carefully.

"Sweetie, you doing the chores was not going to be the deciding factor if we were going to be disappointed in you. It would be poor parenting on my part if I forced you to do them while you're in so much pain. You are genuinely remorseful, you've wrote the letters I asked, broke up with Charlie. If anything, I'm proud of the maturity you've shown. You don't deserve this pain and I would never wish it on you. There will still be ramifications but Mallory and I are taking a step back on this one. I think you've more than learned your lesson and that is what I really wanted for you."

"But how do I make it to where you aren't so disappointed?"

"You already have."

"I have?"

"Yeah. Part of it was an act because we thought you were learning more from us being disappointed in you than if we punished you. We were disappointed in your choices but not necessarily in you. I am afraid that me telling you I was disappointed in you communicated that you weren't loved or a part of this family. You are loved by so many people and you are most definitely a part of this family,"

"I still feel really bad about how I treated Mallory and especially with what happened with you. You could have died and it would have been all my fault."

"And that is the lesson you need to take with you. Your words and actions do have an effect. You've apologized and you are dealing with the consequences, but the consequences do not include you being sick. It was just poor timing. No more and no less."

"Okay, but…"

"Hannah, no buts. I want you to put this past us. You've learned a very hard lesson and as long as you hang onto it, we can't."

"Okay. Daddy, I think Tommy just peed and it's soaked through the diaper and his sleeper."

"That's my boy. Here, I'll take him."

Hannah handed over the baby like he was a hot potato. Her shirt and his sleeper were soaked. Tommy was still sound asleep. Emma and Sailor had gone upstairs and Mallory was still working on breakfast. Mike took the baby up to change his diaper and put him in an outfit. Hannah had followed to change her own clothes. She seemed a little lighter and Mike hoped that he had gotten through to her. He was dreading telling her she had another disease.

The rest of the day was spent eating and cuddling. Mallory kept a pretty close eye on Hannah. They ate dinner at Tom and Sasha's. Hannah stayed on the couch with her oxygen bottle and held Tommy and Sarah Elizabeth. After the dinner they came back home and Mallory laid down after nursing Tommy.

When Mallory woke up, she ate dinner and they explained to Hannah that she was doing some blood work to check her levels. Once she got the results back, she promised Mike she would call him. Hannah was in a much better mood. Mallory left and Mike put the younger kids to bed. Hannah gave him a hug and kiss goodnight and promised she would leave her oxygen on. She was still in a lot of pain and while somewhat lighter, still seemed a little sad.

Mallory called Mike at two am. The results of the antibody test were positive and she had talked to a pediatric rheumatologist. He confirmed her diagnosis and approved the treatment plan. If they could control her thyroid levels, they could manage the Lupus. After Mike got off the phone with Mallory, he got up and checked on the kids. Tommy and Sailor were both sound asleep. Emma had rolled to her left side and Mike could tell that even in her sleep, it was bothering her. He rolled her back and tucked her back in. Hannah was also sound asleep. Mike tucked a blanket around her and watched her sleep for a couple minutes. He had noticed the smell of roses in her room again and given there were no roses in her bedroom, he had to wonder if it was Christine. He hoped it was. She was going to need all the comfort she could get once they told her about the new diagnosis.


	10. Chapter 10

**Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 10

Mallory got home with a packet of literature for Mike to read through and a huge bag from the store. She typically discussed every purchase with Mike so he was a little surprised. He didn't care that she had bought something but it was not typical behavior. Hannah was still sound asleep. Emma and Sailor were eating breakfast and Tommy went to Mallory as soon as she put her bags down. Mike followed her into his room and waited while she nursed Tommy.

"So, I spoke with the rheumatologist. While there is no real treatment for Hannah, there are a few things that might ease the pain for her. I went and got a heated mattress pad for her and an electric throw that can either go on her bed or over her when she is in the chair."

"Okay. Anything that will help her. What about horseback riding and basketball, violin?"

"She's mid flare up right now so she doesn't feel like doing anything but when she isn't; she should do whatever she feels like. She needs a normal life. Us giving her that will set the pace on how she deals with this. He also suggested a counselor."

"I've tried that. She refuses to talk. God knows she needs one but I can't push her to talk."

"I told the doctor that too. He's prescribed pain meds and antidepressants. I didn't pick them up because I wanted to see her reaction first before we jumped on that boat."

"So we can treat the symptoms but not the disease?"

"Pretty much. Lupus is a weird disease. No good diagnosis, no treatment, and no cure. My opinion is that we let her decide. The pain meds and antidepressants have side effects. Keeping her warm and not stressed will do more for her."

"I agree with that. I'm still dreading this though."

"I know. I can be the one to tell her. It might be better. Sometimes when patients get a new diagnosis, they get angry at the person telling them. I would rather she be mad at me and lean on you for comfort."

"You're her mom though, she isn't some random patient."

"Yeah, that's the hard part. Can you take Tommy while I readjust here?"

Mike took the baby so that Mallory could properly adjust her clothes. Tommy gave him a good burp and he changed him into one of his outfits. The baby was all smiles and didn't seem to care how downcast both his parents were. Mallory went in and changed into a set of pajamas. He laid the baby down in his playpen while the girls got bundled up. They had plans on playing in the snow over at Tom's with Sam. Mallory finally came downstairs and told him Hannah was waking up. He walked the girls across to Tom and Sasha's. They went inside but Tom was out clearing off his truck. Mike decided to help him.

"So, how's Hannah feeling now? She was in pretty rough shape yesterday."

"She was still in her room when I came over."

"Everything okay?"

"No. She's been diagnosed with Lupus. We're telling her this morning."

"Poor kid. She'll be fine though."

"How? This disease is terrible. There is no cure or real treatment. It can cause organ damage and cripple her."

"Remember my sister, Dana?"

"Yeah? What about her?"

"She was diagnosed with it when she was just a little younger than Hannah. The doctors told us all that same stuff. But Dana perservered. They did the treatment that was something like chemo. Dana refused it after three months. She learned when to stress about something and how to deal with it to minimize her flare ups. When she did have one, which was rare, it was rough but warm blankets and heating pads helped a lot. She lived a normal life too. Played sports in school, went to college and had a career."

"I didn't know she was sick. No one ever said anything."

"She wanted it that way. Lupus is about coping mechanisms. And for all them saying she needed to avoid stress? She was a 9-1-1 dispatcher. One of the most stressful jobs there was. And no flare ups."

"Have you found out what happened to her?"

"No. We know James, her husband died from the Red Flu but I can't find anything on Dana."

"I'm truly sorry. Depending on how Hannah reacts, I might have you talk to her to remind her she can have a normal life. If you're okay with that?"

"Of course. Just call when you're ready to have the girls back. We'll keep them here."

"Thanks. Tommy is all about his favorite parent right now so we'll keep him with us."

"Sarah Elizabeth does that too. You don't have breasts."

"Thanks for the clarification. And I was thinking it was just Tommy taking after me."

"Too much information. Go. Holler if you need anything."

"Thanks."

Mike walked back to his own house with a little more clarification but the same amount of dread as before. Hannah was sitting at the table eating her breakfast. Mallory was sitting next to her and nodded towards Mike. He grabbed a cup of coffee and sit down next to Hannah. She looked at both of them suspiciously and frowned.

"What did I do wrong?"

"Hannah, you didn't do anything wrong. Last night when I pulled your labs, my attending decided to test some other things besides your thyroid. One of the tests was an antibody test. It came back positive which means that your immune system is attacking itself, specifically your joints. It explains the pain that you've been in, along with the lack of energy. This new disease is hard to diagnose and even harder to treat but all your symptoms match something called Lupus. It is pretty normal with thyroid disease. I spoke with a doctor who specializes in this, and he agreed with the diagnosis and also agrees with my assessment and my attending's assessment. He thinks if we can keep your thyroid levels in check, we can minimize the new disease's affect. There are pain medications you can take but the side effects are pretty rough. My opinion is, we sooth the pain not try and take it away. I went to the store this morning and got you a heated mattress pad and an electric blanket. The heat helps. If you want the pain medication than we will get it but I think we need to try the heat therapy first. Lupus presents in flare ups brought on by stress and in your case, your thyroid levels plummeting. We minimize the stress your under and control the thyroid disease. Lupus is not a good diagnosis but you can still have a normal life."

"What can it do?" Hannah's eyes had filled with tears and Mike had ahold of her hand.

"If we don't control the flare ups, it can damage your organs and can cripple you."

"And there is no medicine?"

"No, sweetie. Not anymore. Since the pandemic they aren't producing the same medications as before and honestly, the side effects were worse than the actual disease and caused more problems."

Hannah let go of Mike's hand and was out of her chair and running up the steps to her bedroom before they could stop her. Tommy started fussing and Mallory got up to get him. Mike was not sure what to do. He knew Hannah needed her space but she also needed comfort.

"Mike, go. She needs you."

"You need to rest."

"I have tonight off. I have to work a twenty four starting tomorrow. Go. I'll be alright. I'll lay down when Tommy takes his nap."

"If you're sure?"

"Positive, go."

Mike grabbed Hannah's cat, Socks and headed up the steps. He could hear Hannah crying and it made him want to cry. She had left the door open and was lying on her bed. Mike sat the cat down and sit down on the bed, pulling Hannah as close as she would allow. He wasn't even sure what to say to her so he just held her. The smell of the roses was even stronger and there was no explanation for it. While Mike was trying to give Hannah some personal space, the cat didn't care at all and had sit down basically on top of her.

"It's my fault. If I hadn't said that stuff…"

"No, no. Hannah, you didn't cause this."

"Then what other explanation do you have? Why does this crap keeping happening to me?"

"I don't have an explanation and I don't know why. I wish I did. But the one thing I am absolutely certain of is, you don't deserve this. No one does."

"It's not fair."

"No, it's not."

"So, what now?"

"We keep you warm to help with the pain. Minimize the stress. Uncle Tom's sister had Lupus too. She lived a normal life, played sports, went to college, got married, and worked a high stress job. I have no doubt that you can do all those things too. I know this seems like a horrible thing and you have a right to everyone emotion you're feeling but the one thing I am adamant that you don't feel is that this is your fault or that you deserve it."

"What happened to his sister?"

"Tom hasn't been able to find her since the Red Flu."

"We should try and find her. I'd like to talk to her if she's still alive."

"I was thinking that too."

"I'll see what I can do. I remember Dana and I am sure she would love to talk to you, provided that she is alive."

"I hope so. Not necessarily just so she will talk to me but it would be nice for Uncle Tom. That's more important."

"I agree. Let's go downstairs in my office? I can't remember her married name but I can look it up."

"Okay."

Mike was immensely proud of her. She was still emotional and in pain but she was focusing on something else. He just prayed that he would be able to find Dana. Not only for Hannah but also for Tom. It would be a nice thing for someone who had done so much for Mike. They walked down the stairs and Mallory was sound asleep on the couch, holding a still awake Tommy. Mike shook her awake and took Tommy. Mallory stood up and hugged Hannah tightly. Mike explained what they were doing and that he would look after Tommy. She gave them both a kiss and headed upstairs. Hannah took Tommy and they all went into the office.

Mike found Dana's married name with little problem and then found that she was working as a supervisor at the St. Louis County 9-1-1 center. He called Tom to let him know they were running an errand and when they got back Emma and Sailor could come back. Hannah got herself and Tommy bundled up and they all headed for the 9-1-1 center. She had to have her oxygen and it was a chore toting it around and Tommy was not wild about the cold. Mike just hoped that Dana was working.

The 9-1-1 center was buzzing with activity. He explained the situation to the lady at the front desk, telling her that if Dana was working and had time he'd like to talk to her and was an old family friend. She got them settled in a reception room. He noticed the sympathetic look she gave Hannah before she left the room. Hannah looked pretty rough. She was pale, her eyes were red rimmed and the rash on her cheeks looked horrible. It had been years since he had seen Dana last but could hear her voice giving directions before walking into the room. She hadn't changed at all. Her blonde hair was in a bun with minimal make up and jewelry, wearing a pair of khaki BDU's, a dark blue long sleeved polo and boots. But what really caught his attention was the fact that she looked like the picture of health.

"Mike, wow. I was shocked when I heard you were here. I've tried to find Tom. I know he's famous now, but so hard to find and get in touch with. Who is this cute little guy? And no way, this is Hannah? Last time I saw you, you were about eight." Mike gave her a big hug and they all settled down.

"This is Tommy and yes this is Hannah. I can get you in touch with Tom. I was thinking, we'd have you over for dinner and it be a surprise for Tom. What are doing tonight?"

"Well considering you're wearing a wedding band and that little guy has to have a drop dead gorgeous mom, not going on a date with you!"

"You were always a flirt, Dana. And yes, his mom is gorgeous. Christine was killed and it took me a while to find the girls. Hannah and Emma were on the streets and she got pretty sick. I do have selfish reasons for asking you to dinner though, Hannah was diagnosed with Lupus and when I mentioned it to Tom, and he told me a bit of your story. I was hoping you'd talk to her." Dana looked over towards Hannah who was looking at her hands. Instead of sympathy, there was something else in her eyes. She smiled at Mike and patted Hannah's knee.

"Of course. I can't right now but tonight is a good time. Give me your address and I can be there at six. What do I need to bring?"

"Just yourself. No need to dress up. We're a pretty informal bunch."

"Alright. How's Tom? I had heard about Dad but nothing else."

"Darian died, Sam and Ashley are okay. Tom remarried a woman named Sasha and they have two more kids. Jed and Sarah Elizabeth. Live across the street from me."

"Awesome. I hate that about Darian but is it the same Sasha he dated years ago?"

"Yes."

"Wow. Can't wait to meet her. And you're super model too."

"She could be but she's modest. She's a resident. Will be a pediatrician."

"Beauty and brains. And she makes pretty babies."

"Agreed on all accounts."

Mike gave her his address and helped Hannah back into her coat. He grabbed the Tommy's car seat and they headed out the door. Hannah seemed a bit overwhelmed with Dana's vibrant personality. Dana hadn't changed much at all. Still outspoken and full of energy. Mike was looking forward to seeing the reunion between Tom and Dana.


	11. Chapter 11

**Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 11

Mike was thankful that Mallory could roll with the punches that he threw at her and get by on so little sleep. She pulled together an excellent meal all while dealing with a fussy baby who didn't like that his mom was trying to get him used to formula and an emotional sixteen year old. Emma's arm was sore from playing in the cold snow and there was a tearful meltdown which was unusual for her. Hannah had settled on the couch with the electric blanket on her lap and was holding Tommy and Emma had a heating pad on her shoulder. Mallory handed Mike a grocery list and indicated for him to take Sailor with him who was trying to "help" Mallory but was really just in the way. He kissed Hannah, Emma and Tommy and promised Emma he would get her a candy bar and headed Sailor out the door.

He got everything on Mallory's list in addition to some of Hannah's favorite foods. Sailor picked out candy for both her and Emma and Mike got a bouquet of flowers for Mallory. She had been an absolute rock through everything and he would have been lost without her.

When he walked back in, his heart melted when he saw Hannah and Emma both lying on the couch with Tommy between them. They were sound asleep and he wasn't sure how they were all fitting other than both Hannah and Emma were lying on their sides. Both girls had their arms around each other and were holding the baby in place. Sailor started putting the groceries away and Mallory came up behind him and hugged him from behind while he stood looking at them.

"I looked in and they were like that. I took a picture. Tommy probably shouldn't be under that blanket but he seemed content and it's not directly over him. He sure loves his big sisters and I think Hannah is kind of clinging to him right now. She made the remark that holding him was one of the only things she could do."

"She's handling it better than I figured she would. Did you find those flowers?"

"Yes. Thank you. You didn't have to do that."

"I would not have gotten through all this without you. You're amazing."

"Well, I have a pretty amazing husband. She'll be okay. She's a tough cookie and that will make a lot of difference. She also has a very loving, patient and determined dad in her corner."

"She has a lot of people in her corner."

"Yeah, she does. I just wish I had seen the symptoms sooner. In hindsight, it explains the past two months."

"Can it affect her decision making?"

"Yes and no."

"Babe, you were looking at it as a mom and not as a doctor. Don't beat yourself up over it."

"I know. I'd better get to cooking. Why don't you relax? You're still on the mend too."

"I feel okay."

"You are under a lot of stress right now. I hate to call Lupus a terminal illness but it is essentially which means that the daughter that you love so deeply was diagnosed with a terminal illness. It's natural for you to feel worried, stressed and angry. You were a little prepared since you've already dealt with her lungs and heart being so damaged but this is a pretty huge blow."

"It is tough."

"Tough isn't quite the right word. I'd better get in there but I want you to park it. Might check Tommy and make sure he isn't too warm."

"Yes, doctor." Mike reached around and kissed her. He checked on the kids. Tommy was awake so he gently lifted him away from the girls. The little guy was dry and Sailor brought in a bottle for him. Mike settled in the recliner and fed the baby. Tom and Sasha were coming about six thirty because Dana tended to run on her own time and if she did get there on time, he wanted her to have time to talk to Hannah. Tommy didn't care for the formula and kept on looking at Mike like he was thinking, "What is this crap and why isn't Mommy feeding me the good stuff?" His little forehead was all crinkled up and he was frowning around the bottle. It was probably not a good week to wean him off breastmilk.

After burping Tommy, Mike started playing with him, blowing raspberries on his cheeks and tummy and playing peek a boo. Tommy was still looking at him like he had done something wrong by feeding him a bottle and was definitely not impressed with Mike. He finally just cuddled him close and he finally went back to sleep. Emma had woke up and ended up curling up next to Mike so he would massage her arm.

The afternoon was spent pretty quietly. Hannah was sound asleep and Emma dozed off and on. Sailor helped Mallory in the kitchen and the baby was finally content in his daddy's arms. Hannah finally woke up about five and seemed to be in good spirits and had even smiled at Tommy.

"I'm going to go up, shower and change clothes. Dana didn't look sick at all. I don't want people to look at me and know I'm sick automatically."

"I understand, sweetie. It is just Tom and his family and Dana. They don't expect you to dress up."

"I want to."

"Okay. Well, holler if you need anything. If you need to use our shower, go ahead. With the bench it might be easier."

"Alright." She bent down and kissed Tommy on the top of the head and Mike's cheek. She and Emma both headed upstairs to change clothes and Sailor followed. Mallory came up beside him and Tommy woke up as soon as he heard her voice and looked at her expectedly.

"Nope, baby boy. You need to get used to your bottle and that formula. Mommy's milk is drying up. And next week, we start you on cereal and pureed fruit and veggies. Daddy's going to be on diaper duty."

"I am?"

"Yep. I've breastfed for six months, now you get the diaper duty. Perfect payback."

"When did I agree to that?"

"When you signed the birth certificate, I just forgot to mention it. In all seriousness, later I am going to do some massages on Hannah's joints. The rheumatologist suggested them. You need to know how to do them. I'll do them normally but if I'm not home, she will still need them done if she's having a flare up. Shoulders, elbows, wrists, hands, knees, ankles and feet. Part of it unfortunately."

"I definitely didn't know I was signing up for this when I signed her birth certificate. I had a perfectly healthy baby girl then."

"And you will still do it. This care maybe lifelong for her and us. We'll handle it together. Like I said, it's okay to feel angry about all this. Just remember she needs you, her dad. Not her caretaker. Don't confuse those roles."

"Yeah, I remember. I told her to use our shower since there is a bench."

"I'll go check on her. You okay?"

"Yeah. Just a word of warning about Dana. She is pretty over the top."

"Tom can be at times too."

"Oh, Dana takes it to a whole new level. She's unique."

"Becky knows her. She hadn't made the connection between her and Tom. Said she is a true professional but you never know what is going to come out of her mouth. You sure she will be a good role model for our girl?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't have introduced them if I didn't. I think her personality has become something of a coping mechanism for her. I never knew she was sick until this morning when Tom told me."

"Well, it will be a good reunion. And if Hannah won't talk to a counselor, someone with the disease is probably an even better alternative. I'd better get up there and check up on her. You good?"

"Yep, go. I need to change him. I'll put a better outfit on him."

"He has some khaki pants and a little blue button down shirt. Looks so handsome in it. I would say to put his little boots on but he hates shoes."

"He's spoiled."

"And you want another one?"

"If it was left up to me, we would have a house full."

"You just love the cause. Although you do like the effect too."

"I love the kids that are the effect. So the blue button down and khakis? Will work fine until he upchucks his formula. He doesn't love this weaning process."

"With me working more twenty fours, it's a necessity. I can't pump enough to satisfy him for that long. You being in the hospital and me not nursing him was a deciding factor, plus with Hannah, it'll help to not be tied to nursing and pumping. It has also worn me out."

"I know, babe. I'm fine with it. Plus, he may stop looking at me like I'm an alien."

"He loves you too."

"But you're his favorite parent."

"Right now."

Mike made his way into the baby's room and changed him. Tommy was fine with the clothes but looked at Mike oddly when he put his socks on him. He was beginning to wonder how they would handle it when Mallory worked her twenty four hour shifts; he hated the idea of him going to a babysitter. Hannah hadn't given him her answer about him leaving the Navy but he was thinking about retiring anyway. Hannah would have special needs and he was getting a little sick of his son looking at him like he was an alien. He would have more time for all four kids and could be a better husband. He needed to talk to Mallory about it but his mind was all but made up. Mallory came up beside him and picked Tommy up. The baby immediately cuddled up to her.

"You looked like you were in deep concentration."

"Yeah, how's Hannah?"

"Fixing Emma's hair for her. What's going on?"

"You know I told Hannah that if she wanted me to retire, I would?"

"Yeah. And she hasn't given you an answer."

"What do you think about me retiring?"

"Financially speaking, will we be okay?"

"Yeah. Pension is healthy, benefits will be included and house is paid for. We'll be okay."

"Mike, I'll be honest. I think it's a good idea. I think Hannah needs to go to school and have a normal life but I also want one of us available if she has a rough day. With my schedule, it can't always be me. Plus, it would give you more time with the other three. And I like the idea where your heart is concerned. Medically speaking, there is no explanation for what happened but I don't like the added stress you're under at work."

"So you're good with it?"

"I will support you regardless but I think this is the best decision for our family. And I promise not to make impulsive buys like I did this morning without talking to you first."

"It helps Hannah and your earning money too. You don't have to discuss every purchase."

"Remember me calling you right after we got married wanting to know if I could buy toothpaste?"

"Yeah. No need for that! Besides I am the impulsive one."

"You are where the kids are concerned. You love spoiling them."

"They've been through a lot. Now I will be able to spend more time with them."

"So, it's a yes on the retirement?"

"Yeah. I am going to tell Hannah I'm retiring regardless and I'll talk to President Oliver the day after tomorrow. I have some time banked up so that'll get us through the next month."

"Okay. I am definitely looking forward to having you home." She laid Tommy down on his changing table and wrapped her arms around him, giving him a long kiss. Hannah walked in and made a gagging noise which only prolonged the kiss.

"Geez, get a room!"

"Mal, our room is right down the hall. Hannah, can you watch the kids for a bit?"

"Gross, Dad. Besides our company will be here soon."

"It won't take too long."

"Yuck, Dad, yuck!" She left the room and headed downstairs. Mike and Mallory both started laughing hysterically. It was good to see her looking and acting like a normal sixteen year old given how traumatic things had been for her.

"We'd better get downstairs."

"Yeah. No side trips to our bedroom."

"Catheter a couple days would slow you down a lot anyway."

"Mood killer."

They headed downstairs. Emma and Sailor were setting the table and Hannah was putting the roasted chicken on a platter. Mike could tell she was struggling so he immediately jumped in to help her. Mallory was putting the potatoes in a serving bowl. Emma and Sailor were occupied and Mallory nodded at him. It was as good of a time as any to talk to Hannah.

"So, you hadn't given me an answer as far as retiring."

"Yeah, I don't know, Daddy. You love your job and besides this new disease will cost money."

"I love you more. Mallory and I have been talking. I'm taking this out of your hands. I am putting my papers in the day after tomorrow. I want to be home with you kids. As far as the costs, you'll still be covered with my benefits. We'll be fine."

"You want to do this?"

"I do. A lot of things have contributed to this decision. Mallory will be working more, Tommy looking at me like I'm an alien, your diagnosis, Mallory says my heart is fine but doesn't want me stressed, being around for all four of you kids more. The list is endless but I feel great about this step."

"Dad, we all look at you like you're an alien at times."

"Gee, thanks."

Hannah smiled at him and wrapped her arms around him, giving him a huge hug. Mallory smiled over at him but kept the younger girls occupied. He would explain it to them later but for now, Hannah needed the attention. Emma and Sailor would be thrilled with the news anyway. Hannah finally pulled away and went back to plating the chicken. The doorbell rang and Mike headed for it. He saw Dana through the sidelight and immediately opened it. Dana gave him a huge smile and practically threw a bottle of wine at him as she barged in.

"Mike, you got a bathroom? Ten hours on the dispatch floor isn't good for my bladder."

"No, I have an outhouse. That doorway over there. Let me take your coat. Nice car, by the way. Is that a '67 Mustang?"

"Pee first, car later."

Mike hung Dana's coat up and looked into the kitchen. Mallory and Hannah were both laughing at the interaction. Dana was an experience. Mike was checking the car out through the window when Dana came back out of the bathroom.

"You drooling over my car?"

"It's nice. Your brother will be here about six thirty. I know you work on Dana time so I allowed for that."

"Well, I also want to meet this special woman who took you off the market and is that Emma? And you had another daughter?"

"Anna, or Sailor as your brother nicknamed her is adopted. She's been with us almost a year. This is Mallory, who also happens to be an incredible cook. And yes, that's Emma."

"Mike, you have a bunch of heartbreakers on your hands. They're beautiful."

"Yeah, already chasing the boys away."

Mike introduced Dana to Mallory, Emma and Sailor. Dana was a hugger and Mike could tell the younger girls were slightly taken aback by her rather gregarious behavior. Mallory and Dana had hit it off immediately and were talking recipes. Mike was kind of at a loss as to what to do until Tommy woke up. After changing him, Dana immediately took him out of his arms.

"Hey, now. You'll have a new niece and nephew here in a couple minutes to spoil. Leave me to spoil my boy!"

"I'm so glad he looks and acts like his mom."

"I'll agree."

The doorbell rang and Hannah took the baby from Dana to free up her arms. Mike went to the door and took a deep breath. Tom and his family were on the other side and looked cold.

"Since when do you all ring the doorbell?"

"Hands were full with the kids. Whose car? Or is it a midlife crisis? You already have the younger wife."

"You too. Get in, before your kids disown you. We have another guest."

"Who?"

"Hey, big brother." Tom looked at Mike with a shocked look and immediately handed Sarah Elizabeth to him so he could hug Dana. Mike wasn't sure he had ever seen Tom cry until that moment. Sam and Ashley had piled in for a hug and Sasha looked at Mike suspiciously.

"How did you find her? Tom and I had looked everywhere."

"Found her married name and then checked a database that had been created for law enforcement. My name is on it since I was a cop and she's on it since she's a dispatcher. It wasn't too hard. She just happens to work in St. Louis."

"She's been this close?"

"Yeah. Just a coincidence. Oh no, Sarah Elizabeth, not you too. I am not an alien! Let's get this door closed and you guys out of the entryway. They can stay and hug if they want to."

Between Mike and Sasha they got the kids moved into the living room, leaving Tom and Dana to themselves. Mike laid Sarah Elizabeth down next to Tommy in his playpen and rubbed her belly until she fell asleep. Mallory had dinner on the table and Mike stuck his head out into the entryway and told that it was time to eat.

They finally came in and settled down to eat. They had both cried but Dana was the life of the party. She let Mike know she didn't approve of him putting her niece to sleep before she got to hold her and had Jed on her lap. Mallory had purposely sit Dana next to Hannah and they were quietly talking. Mike was on Dana's other side and was adding to the conversation when it was the right times to do so.

"Mike, do you have gym equipment? Free weights and such?"

"Yeah. Some. Also have a treadmill and an elliptical. Why?"

"Hannah, you might start working out. Nothing crazy but it helps the joints more than you realize. A couple minutes on the elliptical, a mile or two on the treadmill and if you can get a stationary bike, do. That helps me more than anything else. Add in the weights as you feel you can, Hannah. Processed foods, specifically prepackaged foods are packed with salt and salt causes inflammation. Inflammation hurts. Did the doctor suggest pain meds and such?"

"Yeah, Mallory had the conversation with him. She didn't get the prescriptions. Wanted to try the heat therapy first because of the side effects."

"Heat therapy did more for me. I had the so called therapies and was sick. I was in a wheelchair the entire three months. And I was weak. What brought on this flare up?" Hannah looked down at her hands and Mike could see the look of shame on her face. She was still having trouble with what had happened to him.

"I had a minor health issue and she broke up with her boyfriend."

"You allowed her to have a boyfriend?"

"Not exactly."

"In any case, Hannah, don't stress about stuff like that. I know it seems hard but don't. The people that love you won't add stress to your life. And stress is what you make of it. Nothing more or less. You will have doctors, with the exception of your stepmom, tell you that you'll be crippled, won't be able to work, will die young, and not have a quality life. I was told all those things but you get to choose. You can feel sorry for yourself and all that stuff will happen. My biggest piece of advice is, choose the people in your life wisely. They will have an impact on your illness. This bunch here, even your overly protective dad, is exactly who you need in your life."

Hannah nodded at her and went back to eating. She was still coming to grips with her illness. Mike mouthed a "thank you" to Dana and squeezed Hannah's hand. He would be buying a stationary bike for his small home gym in the garage. He had a basement that he had been meaning to remodel and it would be better for Hannah to be in the heat. With his retirement, he would have the time to do it. Dana went back to visiting with the other people at the table. Mallory had been on the other side of the table between Ashley and Jed and had heard the conversation and nodded at Mike, telling him she agreed with what Dana had said. Mike knew that Dana would be around more and would be guiding Hannah.

The conversation around the table was light and happy. Mike did announce that he would be retiring after Emma and Sailor left the table. Tom and Sasha didn't seem very surprised by it at all. Tom understood the need to take care of his sick child and to spend more time with his other children. The letter of resignation would be difficult to write but he felt good about the retirement. He had noticed the smell of roses again. Hannah was eating the pineapple cake that Mallory had made and everyone else was occupied.

"Hannah, do you have a new perfume?"

"No, why?"

"I keep smelling roses and it's always around you." Hannah started grinning ear to ear and laughing. Mike was really suspicious. She looked over at the playpen where Tommy was lying awake but was babbling at no one in particular.

"It's Mom. She's here."

"Honey, are you feeling okay?"

"Yep. It's hard to explain. But just know that it's Mom. Accept that."

"I'm confused but okay. I'm okay with her being here. I wish Lucas was too."

"He is. And he will let you know it at some point."

 **Okay, one more chapter after this and it will be a jump forward! Thanks for you all's patience with me getting these done so late!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Home for the Holidays**

Chapter 12

Six Months Later

"I am not saddle sore, Hannah."

"Well, either you're saddle sore or you're old. Since you're retired…"

"I'm in my forties. Not old."

"Late forties."

"Forty four."

"And some change. You were the one griping about sleeping on the ground last night."

"I was not griping. Teach me to plan father daughter time with you."

"You love it and you know it."

"Alright, agreed."

"A couple more hours and we'll be at the trailhead. I can drive us back to St. Louis so you can take your afternoon nap."

"Just because I nap when Tommy takes his nap in the afternoon doesn't mean I need one every day. He sleeps better if I rock him to sleep and I just happen to rock myself to sleep."

"That's your story?"

"Yes and you're not driving on the interstate."

"I have to try it sometime and when is a better time than when you're with me?"

"Not today. I noticed you rubbing your knees and elbows earlier."

"I'm fine."

"Hmm? That your story?"

"Okay, the humidity is a little rough. I am looking forward to taking a bath in your bathtub with the jets on."

"Will you be okay to ride the rest of the way?"

"I'll be fine. Star is a gentle ride."

"You tell me if you start having issues, clear?"

"Yes. Crystal. And Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for this. I've had a really good time. I love you."

"I've had a great time. I love you too."

They rode the rest of the way out, it had been a four day trail ride and they were both worn out. They had camped under the stars every night and had done a lot of talking and bonding. He had a trip planned with Emma taking her on an architecture tour of Chicago and a small tiger cruise with Sailor, down the Mississippi. Mallory and he had been able to spend a night away for their anniversary. For the first time, he felt like a decent husband and father.

As he suspected, Hannah fell asleep as soon as she got settled in the truck. She had done extremely well since her diagnosis. Conveniently, Charlie's parents had moved out of the area and so she didn't have to deal with the ramifications where he was concerned. Mike and Mallory had stuck with some of the conditions of her grounding but neither of them had the heart to force her to do the cleaning and as much of the childcare as had originally been suggested. She still had some serious guilt concerning Mike's "broken heart."

Mallory was working on a fellowship with the pediatric rheumatologist. She had originally planned on being an Emergency Room pediatrician but Hannah's case and treatment had fascinated her and the doctor was already talking about her taking a position in his practice. The hours would be better and Mallory would know about any new treatments or therapies. She was also looking at a joint fellowship with a pediatric endocrinologist since many of the diseases were dual diagnoses. The practice she would be working for was not necessarily just pediatric and although Mallory preferred to stay as a pediatrician, she was going to also be treating adults.

Dana was a frequent visitor and had really stepped up as a role model for Hannah. Tom loved having a family member back and he and Dana had redeveloped a close relationship. Mike was beyond thankful that he had found her.

When Mike handed his resignation over, President Oliver understood his reasoning. He told Mike that he figured it would happen at some point. He did convince Mike to be a consultant on training for the Navy, but Mike was insistent that he work from home and it worked perfectly for him. He had also remodeled the basement and had built a home gym himself. Hannah and he both used it the most but Mallory also liked having it and would run on the treadmill every other day. Having it had really helped Hannah and he had also installed a bathroom in the basement with a large jetted bathtub and steam shower. Hannah used it frequently but liked his and Mallory's better because she could holler for help if she needed it.

Mallory had surprised him the month before with a positive pregnancy test. They hadn't really been trying for another baby at that point but an ultrasound showed that it wasn't just one baby but twins. They were thrilled but agreed that there would be no more babies after the twins. They planned on telling the kids after they got back from the trail ride. Mike was thrilled that he would be the one home with them every day. He would be missing no more milestones or moments. He pulled into his driveway shortly before five pm and Emma ran out to meet him. Mike shook Hannah awake before he opened the door to the impatient Emma.

"You're finally home, Daddy! I missed you. Mom said that Tommy was going to walk without you here. He hasn't yet. Did you have fun?"

"I missed you too, baby girl. Let me help your sister out."

Emma backed up so Mike could get out of the truck but instead of allowing him to go around the truck; she gave him a huge hug. He returned the hug and kissed the top of her head. He was looking forward to the trip he had planned with her. He released Emma but kept a hand on her shoulder, gently massaging it, which had become a habit since her kidnapping even when she wasn't complaining of pain. He went around and helped a very sleepy Hannah out of the truck and they all walked up the steps. He had offered to build a ramp but Hannah refused to give into her disease that much. There had been a few times that he had had to carry her up them but she refused for the house to be altered a lot. Dana told him that it was normal.

They walked in the door and he made it to the living room. Mallory was trying to walk Tommy and the baby wouldn't let go of her hands. When he saw Mike, he let go and Mike knelt down on the floor with his hands out. Tommy would have to take a couple more steps before he got to Mike but the baby didn't seem to realize he was even walking. The girls were all watching but staying quiet so the baby wouldn't stop. Once he finally got to Mike, they all started cheering for him. Tommy didn't realize what he had done only that he was happy that his daddy was holding him. He stood back up, still holding the baby and gave Sailor a hug and kissed Mallory.

Hannah opted to take a shower in the master bathroom and Mallory stayed upstairs with her. Once she was done, Mike headed in for his shower and Hannah hit the recliner. Despite the heat, she allowed Mallory to throw the electric blanket over her. She wasn't having a flare up but they wanted to head it off at the pass. Hannah rocked Tommy to sleep and the younger girls were in the backyard. Mallory made her way up to the master bathroom and waited for Mike to finish. When he stepped out, she handed him the towel with a grin.

"Where are the kids?"

"Hannah has Tommy and the younger girls are in the backyard. Supper is in the oven."

"What's going on?"

"It's good news. Julliard has reopened and Hannah's violin teacher sent them a cd of her playing. They've accepted her without an interview or anything. Full ride scholarship too. There is a pre-college division they will want her to do next summer but they've already accepted her for the undergraduate program. I have a nurse friend who went to work at New York Hospital for Joint Diseases. She has an extra room and it's close to Juilliard. She and her husband, who is a rheumatologist will take her every day and pick her up. I trust them completely and they are thrilled to help. It will be an amazing opportunity for her."

"She'll be gone all summer?"

"Yes. She'll come back for her senior year and then back for the pre-college and then September starts the undergraduate program. And there is a high possibility she'll get in for the graduate studies."

"It's New York City."

"Yeah, it is. I hadn't said a word to anyone because I knew you might veto it. Other than my friend of course. I knew you would never go for it, if she didn't have a safe place to stay."

"What do you think?"

"Mike, it's an amazing opportunity and one that Hannah has been working towards her entire life. If she doesn't do this, what will she do?"

"I don't know. I'm worried that she'll have a flare up and we're hours away."

"Which is why I chose Allison and Robert for her to stay with? Short of one of us moving there, this is the best option. We will have five other kids to think about by then too."

"Yeah, I know. I'd like to meet Allison and Robert."

"Just so happens, they're in town and I invited them for supper."

"And what about Hannah?"

"Mike, she'll be thrilled. We hold off on telling her until we've talked to Ron and Allison. I also am taking a week off work and we'll go to New York. See their place, tour Juilliard, Emma can look at the architecture there, it'll be a nice vacation. I wanted to do it before I got too far along and the girls went back to school. I haven't made reservations but we will need to soon."

"Alright. I guess I'd better get dressed and shave. I don't think we want your friends to meet me in this towel."

"Allison might enjoy it but it might throw Rob a bit. And don't shave, I like this scruff."

"Is that a fact?"

"Yep."

"Well, I wouldn't want to not give you something you ask for. How long have you and Allison known each other?"

"We worked the same waitressing gigs to get us through nursing school, and she helped me with Liam and Allie. She's who I named Allie for."

"Must be a special person."

"She's my Tom."

"Which is why you were okay with me wanting to name Tommy after Tom. She's your person."

"Technically you're my person but I know what you mean."

"Yeah, sorry. So are you."

"Don't worry about it. You'll like Rob and Allison. And what's more, so will Hannah. I'm going downstairs to finish supper. Green button down, khaki's, Mike."

"Yes, ma'am. What would I do without you?"

"Not match your clothes for one."

She gave him a kiss and headed downstairs. He changed into the clothes she told him to and went to the backyard to turn the grill on. Mallory had a potato casserole and a cake in the oven and he was grilling steaks and hamburgers for the kids. Mallory met Rob and Allison at the car and exchanged hugs with both of them. She quietly told them that Mike was mostly onboard with Hannah going to Juilliard but she didn't know that she had been accepted and was not feeling a hundred percent. Rob was doing some research concerning cold therapy and had brought some ice packs that were infused with menthol. They were already cooled and ready to apply. As soon as they walked into the living room, and Mallory introduced Rob and Allison to Hannah and explained that they wanted to try the cold therapy on her, she threw the heated blanket off and handed Tommy to Mallory. Rob and Allison started putting the cold packs on her knees, elbows, shoulders and ankles. She had fortunately changed into shorts and a tank top and Mallory could see the change in her within five minutes.

"They told us the heat therapy would help her." Mike had come in and was automatically worried. Mallory had introduced him to Rob and Allison and explained what Rob was doing but his attention was on his oldest daughter.

"It does in the winter but Lupus flare ups can be brought on by humidity and overuse of joints too. Doesn't mean you shouldn't do fun stuff, Hannah. Heat and cold can be alternated. What'd you do this last week?"

"Daddy and I went on a trail ride in the Ozarks. Four days on horseback in some nasty terrain and we camped. I loved it."

"Sounds nice."

"You aren't going to tell me I shouldn't have?"

"Nope. I don't agree when other doctors tell patients they shouldn't do stuff like that. You know your limit. And you came home and started relaxing to prevent a full blown flare up."

"I hate when they tell me I can't or I shouldn't. Mom and Dad don't but the doctors do."

"Just know what you can do. That's all that matters. You may need to eat your dinner in here to stay with those wraps on your joints but we'll stay in with you."

Mike was impressed with Rob and Allison's ease with Hannah and she seemed comfortable with them. His mind was made up as long as Hannah wanted to go to Juilliard. He'd miss her but Mallory had been right. She had been working her way to Juilliard her entire life and it wouldn't be fair for Mike to hold her back.

They did end up eating in the living room and visiting. Rob and Allison had just bought a townhouse and insisted on the Slattery family staying with them. The girls had gone downstairs to the family room that Mike had built when he remodeled the basement. They could talk more freely about the cold therapy and Hannah's acceptance into Juilliard. Mallory had timed her time off between Mike and Emma's trip to Chicago and the tiger cruise he was taking Sailor on and she had factored travel time in so they would be driving.

Rob and Allison left the cold wraps for Hannah to try out on a more extensive basis. Mallory hugged both of them and Mike shook their hands. He could tell Allison was assessing him to make sure he was good enough for Mallory and honestly hoped he'd passed the test. When she came back inside, he was fiddling with the cold wraps.

"So, did I meet their approval?"

"Yes. They love you. You need to tell Hannah because she has a violin practice tomorrow."

"Okay. Does Wolf know she was accepted?"

"No. I kept the circle small. Wanted it to be up to you."

"I'm still worried about her having a flare up there. Even though Rob specializes in this stuff, and Allison is a nurse, I'll still worry. It's Hannah."

"I know. And if it was Emma, Sailor or Tommy, you'd also worry just as much."

"I'd worry but it's different. Hannah has so many strikes against her."

"You're doing the right thing. And Hannah will love you even more for it."

"I suppose. Guess, I'd better tell her, huh."

"You act like its bad news."

"My baby boy took his first steps today and my oldest, with a chronic, debilitating disease, was accepted into a college at least a thousand miles away. Not to mention Emma and Sailor look like they've grown an inch in the last four days."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Emma started her period. I think Sailor will be right behind her too."

"Did I need to know that? My baby girls?"

"Probably a good idea for you to know. Send Emma and Sailor upstairs. And remember, you have two more due in about six months."

"Uhh."

"Go, Mike. Head the girls up here and talk to Hannah. I've got Tommy."

Mike kissed Mallory again and headed down to the basement, the kid's movie was just finishing up and he kissed Emma and Sailor good night. Hannah seemed to know that he wanted to talk to her and seemed nervous. After the two younger girls left, Mike sit down next to her and wrapped an arm around her.

"Uh-oh, this probably isn't good."

"Nope, it's great news for you. Your violin teacher sent a CD of you playing to Juilliard. They just reopened and you've been accepted for your undergraduate degree. They have a pre-college program they want you to go for between your junior and senior year and then again after your senior year before college opens up. It's full ride. The reason Mallory had Rob and Allison come tonight for dinner, is you will stay with them, at least during the pre-college division. Do you want to do this?"

"YES!"

"Okay. We are going to go to New York City later this summer so I can scope out the school and Rob and Allison's townhouse. Make sure it meets my approval."

"Daddy, how do you feel about this? You seem…detached?"

"I'm happy for you. It's an amazing opportunity. And I am proud of you."

"But?"

"I'm scared, Hannah. Your health. The distance. New York City is huge and scary. A lot of things can happen in a city like that. I won't stop you though. But I will worry."

"I'm excited."

"And I'm excited for you. But when Uncle Tom found you and they told me your heart and lungs were affected from the pneumonia, I promised myself that I would not hold you back. You will definitely be missed here though."

"I'll still visit. You'll have Tommy and Emma and Sailor will keep you on your toes."

"I'll still miss you though. And Mallory may shoot me for telling you this but she's pregnant with twins. We were waiting to tell you girls until we got back from the trail ride."

"That's awesome! I'm so excited for you guys. When are they due?"

"The end of December."

"Christmas babies!"

"They will probably be early given that there are two of them. Easier for Mallory. "

"As long as they are all okay."

"Yeah, I'm sure they'll be fine. I'd better go help Mallory. Don't say anything to Emma and Sailor, please? We'll tell them soon."

"Sure. Thank you, Daddy. I love you."

"I love you more."

Mike kissed her temple and headed upstairs. When he got to the top of the steps, he saw Mallory's side profile. She was barely three months along but she was showing already. It made him smile. He was actually thankful for hearing Hannah say that she hated him. It had made him reevaluate things and realize that his family was far more important than the fame and power that came with being the Secretary of the Navy. He had never cared for the power and the fame annoyed him. Tommy was walking around Mallory's legs and greeted him with a huge smile. They would be celebrating his first birthday soon and Mike had planned his party. It did make him miss Lucas a little. Just as he was tearing up thinking about him, Lucas' baseball fell off the entertainment center where Mike kept it. It was the only indication Mike needed that Lucas was around. And the smell of roses was almost always present. He didn't mind it though.

 **I** **may** **pick this back up at some point. Sorry it took me so long to get this done! Life happens. Please enjoy and review.**


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